I Should Have Stayed Home Today

I'm having one of my "I don't want to do any of the work sitting on my desk right now so instead I'm going to catch up on my friends' blogs & facebook & my own blog" days. It's only my 4th day back to work and I'm already at this point. It's probably because for some strange reason there isn't a lot of work for me to do so I'm hesitant to do what I have to do in fear that I'll run out. But that also means that I won't get paid for the whole day even though I'll be here for at least 8 hours (I am paid hourly & I can't charge for time I'm not working...sadly). Oh well. I guess.

But per tradition of my non-productive work days. Here is what is on my mind:

I told B last night that we needed to get me some winter boots because I want to go hiking & winter camping. He was so surprised he almost choked (I probably shouldn't have told him while he was brushing his teeth). I hate the cold, but for some reason those two things sound really fun to me right now. So at lunch today I did a little research online, saw that REI was having a great sale on their winter boots, & I went shopping! I ended up with these beauties:

I wish they were a little taller, but I think they'll be great! I can't wait to try them out!!

Neither B or I have unpacked from our honeymoon yet. What's worse...he hasn't unpacked from his move to my (I guess our) house. So the house is kind of a disaster with clothes EVERYWHERE! The majority of his clothes are still downstairs in the "pit" - they haven't even made it up to our room! Hopefully this weekend we can get things put away and it can start feeling like we actually live there.

I can't wait to see my pictures from my wedding! It was such an amazing day filled with family, friends, love, and of course dancing! My nieces were a RIOT at the dinner! It was so fun to dance with them! And my nephew Jack even slow danced with me :). And don't even get me started on Brant's brother Kent & cousin Kotah! Oh my goodness they were so fun! All in all it was a wonderful day and EXACTLY how I wanted to celebrate my marriage to Brant! I'm glad that the stress of it all is over, but I wouldn't mind having another party like that again soon! (Just not one that I have to plan hahaha!)

I want to go on vacation again! B & I had a great time on our cruise to Catalina & Ensenada (pictures & details...well some details...to come). But I'm already looking forward to our next trip together. Even if it's only a weekend getaway. I'm not sure when that will be able to happen seeing as busy season in looming just around the corner & my Saturdays are going to be taken up with work (blah!). But hopefully we'll be able to sneak away sometime soon.

I've recently lost someone who was once really close to me. No - she didn't die. She's just cut me out of her life. I'm not really sure why she feels like it's necessary for us never to talk again. But she has made it painfully clear that she doesn't want to be a part of my life or for me to be a part of hers. And I'm actually okay with that. This "friend" has hurt me enough times and caused me enough headaches & heartaches that it's almost freeing to have this friendship end. That may sound rude/harsh/heartless/etc. But it's the truth. This week I discovered a song by Gotye called "Somebody That I Used To Know". It's about a break-up, but I feel like it kind of relates to how I feel about this friendship ending. These are some of the lyrics that really pertain to how I feel:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

.......

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

But had me believing it was always something that I'd done

But I don't want to live that way

Reading into every word you say

You said that you could let it go

And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

.......

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love {friendship}

But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

To this friend (if you still read my blog...) I just want to say that it's sad that our friendship had to end the way it did (or at all). We have had some really good times together and I'll miss that. But I think our friendship became toxic for both of us, so it's probably best that it has ended. There are many things I'll miss about not having you in my life. But, for the first time since we've been friends, I feel like I'm free to live my life for me and not for you. Good luck with your life. I hope you find what it is you're looking for.

My friend Deborah posted a little while ago (but I read it today) about what it's like to be a working mom. I've always planned on staying at home with my kids once I have any. But given the fact that B is only starting college this summer...most likely I'll have to be a working mom for at least a few years. D's post was very honest about how hard it is to be a working mom. It was both scary & refreshing to hear what she had to say about it. I hope that someday I'll be able to stay home with my {future} kids, but only time will tell.

The majority of my friends' blogs are about their kids...it kind of made me baby hungry today. But don't start getting any ideas. B & I aren't ready to have kids yet. We want to enjoy some time when it's just the two of us. Once we have kids we'll always have kids. So we need to cherish this time we have as a couple. 

I love being married. It really is all it's cracked up to be (in my almost two weeks of experience). It's so nice to just be able to go to sleep when we get tired & not feel like we have to stay up forever because we don't want to say good-bye. Now when we get tired we just go to bed...together! And waking up next to B is pretty awesome too! Sometimes it's still a little weird that I'm married, though. I think the weirdest thing for me is that I don't feel any different. It's such a big step in one's life, you would expect things to feel different after it happens. But I feel the same. I'm still me. B is still B. We haven't changed at all. It's like moving to a new place. You are still the same person, just your circumstances have changed. And every once in a while it hits you...wow! I'm actually LIVING here. Except for me it's...wow! I'm actually married!

Well...I guess I better get SOME work done today. I've put off things long enough. Plus there are only a couple hours left in the work day. I need to at least be able to get paid for 1/2 day. So...until next time!