I hate that question. I really do. Especially when it's in an interview.
Any time I get asked this question I want to respond with "Heck! I don't know what I want to be doing tomorrow, let alone five years from now."
Sure, when I think of what I want my life to be like when I'm 32...almost 33 (holy crap I'm getting old!), I have a picture in mind. I want to be married, with a kid (maybe 2?), not working outside of the home, living outside of Utah, and happy. Pretty much nothing like what my life is now.
Well except for the happy part. Because I am extremely happy right now.
The tricky part is that my ideal future isn't solely dependent on me. Since it involves another (i.e. a future husband & kids), I can't plan on where I will be in 5 years. I don't even feel like I can plan on where I'll be in 1 year. That's a little scary for me.
I'm a planner. I like to know what's going on days (weeks, months, years) in advance. None of this "fly by the seat of your pants" crap for me. Agendas are my heroine. I blame my dad for making me this way.
But when your future is so unknown, you can't have an agenda. I can't say that on Jan. 15 (total random day that just popped into my head right now and holds completely no significance whatsoever...promise) I'll be married. And then exactly 1 year 4 months and 10 days after that I will have my first baby girl names Emily.
Nope. None of that planning is possible. And it's frustrating.
Sometimes I would LOVE to have just a tiny glimpse into my future. Wouldn't that be nice? Every time someone asks you, "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" you could simply close your eyes, take a second and actually SEE where you will be in 5 years? Man, that'd be AWESOME!
But we can't. We just have to keep playing this guessing game and planning for a future that may never happen.
As a quick experiment, I want you to think back to where you were 5 years ago. Ask your then 5-year-younger self where he/she sees him/herself in 5 years and tell me if it is anything like where you are today.
For me...no way am I'm where I thought/hoped/wished/planned I'd be. 5 years ago I was 22 (almost 23). I was in my last year at BYU living it up. I had a job offer in NYC at one of the largest accounting firms and I couldn't wait to start that new adventure! All I had to do was finish these last few classes and real life could begin.
At that time in my life I was career driven. I wanted to work for a large corporation, earn lots of money, succeed in business...ya know...be a career woman. Sure, I also wanted other things. I wanted to be married in 5 years. Maybe have a family. But if I did, I would still be working. Nannies are abundant in NYC...totally the way to go. I saw myself living in NYC, still working for PwC - or if not, some other big company out there.
If you had told my 22 year old self that in 5 years I'd be back living at my parents house, not married, no kids, at a job that I only sometimes like, dating a boy who is 4 years younger than me...I probably would have just given up with life. Well...I actually wouldn't have believed you. I would have laughed in your face & exclaimed that there was no way that would be my life.
Maybe that's why we are never allowed to see a glimpse into our future. We probably wouldn't believe it anyway. And if we did, it might make so we didn't push ourselves for something better. Something more than what we have now. If I had known that in 5 years I'd be where I am today, maybe I wouldn't have moved to NYC and had as many adventures that I've had. And I would have missed out on so many things!
So I guess it's a good thing that we can't know what our lives will be like in 1, 5, 10 years from now. We can plan, hope, and pray for life to be like what we want it to be. But you never know where life will take you. Maybe in 5 years I will have my "dream" life. Or maybe I'll look back at what I want now and just laugh at how different my life is than how I'd planned.
That's the beautiful/horrible thing about life. It's completely unpredictable.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Changing the World
I just got back from the YWCA Leadership Luncheon. It was actually my second year being able to go to the luncheon. I'm glad I was invited to go. Last year, the speaker was the author of The Glass Castle and she told about her very unique experiences growing up. I started reading the book, but never finished. I might pick it up again after I finish reading The Help.
Anyway, I'm not here to talk about last year's luncheon. I want to talk about what was spoken on today. The keynote speaker today was Jennifer Siebel Newsom, the writer, director & producer of a documentary called Miss Representation. It's a film about how media contributes to the under-representation of women in influential positions & perpetuates the idea that women's primary value lies in their youth, beauty & sexuality (I got the above from a combination of the website & what was written in the luncheon handout).
No, I haven't seen the film. Yes, I REALLY want to now. (FYI - it's premiering on OWN (Oprah's network) on Oct. 20 for anyone interested in seeing it).
Jennifer spoke a lot about the appalling statistics that embody our society. Did you know that women represent 51% of our country & yet we are still not well represented in government, business, etc? It's sad that women don't get the same opportunities as men do in many (if not most) aspects of our society. There are fields where women are the dominant sex (education being one of them). But for the most part, women still struggle to make their mark on our society.
But this brings up the question: are women not given the opportunities to succeed or do they simply choose a different lifestyle (ie staying home to raise the children)? Do women choose to not follow careers in business, government, etc? Or is society not giving them the opportunities?
I'm sure it's a little bit of both.
But I don't like that women feel that they are not given the same opportunities as men. That's not OK with me. And there are facts to support that women do not get the same opportunities as men. You take a man and a women with the same education, same experience & the same job. Compare their salaries. Just guess who gets paid more...the man of course! On average, a women gets paid $0.77 for every $1 a man makes. And that's assuming they can get the job in the first place. That's not cool.
Not to mention the fact that women don't get paid to be a full-time mom.
Now I'm not saying that men are to blame in this. We women have helped in this as well. We don't stand up for ourselves. We let this happen. And we perpetuate it with things like The Real Housewives, etc. Yes - all those shows that we love to hate (but yet we still watch) are perpetuating the idea that women aren't worth as much as men. We are teaching ourselves & our children (metaphorical children in my case) that a woman's worth isn't more than fake boobs, 10 pounds of makeup, the "perfect" body & rich husbands.
I don't know about you, but I would NEVER want my daughter (if God willing I ever have one) to think that she's not worth more than that.
Women are special. I am special. You are special. We are worth so much more than what society portrays us as. We are so much more than sex objects to be lust after by the men running our country & businesses. WE could (and should) be running this country & those businesses.
So what can we do? Do we all need to strive to be the next CEO of a fortune 500 company? Do we all need to run for office? No. I'm not saying that. Mainly because I don't want to do either of those things. I actually hope to one day be a full-time stay at home mom. That's my dream. And I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
But maybe if we all are a bit more conscious of how we portray ourselves, our daughters/nieces/cousins/sisters/etc., & every other women in the world, we could make a difference. We are strong women of the 21st Century. Maybe it's time we really start acting like it & demanding that our society notice.
OK...so no. I don't have any REAL ideas on what we can do to change our society & how it views women. I'm still trying to figure that out. But I wanted to share my thoughts. Maybe awareness is the first step we need to make our society & it's view of women better.
Anyway, I'm not here to talk about last year's luncheon. I want to talk about what was spoken on today. The keynote speaker today was Jennifer Siebel Newsom, the writer, director & producer of a documentary called Miss Representation. It's a film about how media contributes to the under-representation of women in influential positions & perpetuates the idea that women's primary value lies in their youth, beauty & sexuality (I got the above from a combination of the website & what was written in the luncheon handout).
No, I haven't seen the film. Yes, I REALLY want to now. (FYI - it's premiering on OWN (Oprah's network) on Oct. 20 for anyone interested in seeing it).
Jennifer spoke a lot about the appalling statistics that embody our society. Did you know that women represent 51% of our country & yet we are still not well represented in government, business, etc? It's sad that women don't get the same opportunities as men do in many (if not most) aspects of our society. There are fields where women are the dominant sex (education being one of them). But for the most part, women still struggle to make their mark on our society.
But this brings up the question: are women not given the opportunities to succeed or do they simply choose a different lifestyle (ie staying home to raise the children)? Do women choose to not follow careers in business, government, etc? Or is society not giving them the opportunities?
I'm sure it's a little bit of both.
But I don't like that women feel that they are not given the same opportunities as men. That's not OK with me. And there are facts to support that women do not get the same opportunities as men. You take a man and a women with the same education, same experience & the same job. Compare their salaries. Just guess who gets paid more...the man of course! On average, a women gets paid $0.77 for every $1 a man makes. And that's assuming they can get the job in the first place. That's not cool.
Not to mention the fact that women don't get paid to be a full-time mom.
Now I'm not saying that men are to blame in this. We women have helped in this as well. We don't stand up for ourselves. We let this happen. And we perpetuate it with things like The Real Housewives, etc. Yes - all those shows that we love to hate (but yet we still watch) are perpetuating the idea that women aren't worth as much as men. We are teaching ourselves & our children (metaphorical children in my case) that a woman's worth isn't more than fake boobs, 10 pounds of makeup, the "perfect" body & rich husbands.
I don't know about you, but I would NEVER want my daughter (if God willing I ever have one) to think that she's not worth more than that.
Women are special. I am special. You are special. We are worth so much more than what society portrays us as. We are so much more than sex objects to be lust after by the men running our country & businesses. WE could (and should) be running this country & those businesses.
So what can we do? Do we all need to strive to be the next CEO of a fortune 500 company? Do we all need to run for office? No. I'm not saying that. Mainly because I don't want to do either of those things. I actually hope to one day be a full-time stay at home mom. That's my dream. And I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
But maybe if we all are a bit more conscious of how we portray ourselves, our daughters/nieces/cousins/sisters/etc., & every other women in the world, we could make a difference. We are strong women of the 21st Century. Maybe it's time we really start acting like it & demanding that our society notice.
OK...so no. I don't have any REAL ideas on what we can do to change our society & how it views women. I'm still trying to figure that out. But I wanted to share my thoughts. Maybe awareness is the first step we need to make our society & it's view of women better.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Picture Overload
I just dropped my parents off at the airport as they begin their journey as missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It was very hard to say good-bye to them, but I know that it's worth it. They are going to be amazing missionaries and are going to bless the lives of those living in Sweden. I'm so proud of my parents and their decision they made to serve the Lord. But it was still hard to say good-bye.
Well, since I knew today was going to be a hard day, I took it off from work! Yay! So now I'm sitting at home wondering what to do. What I should do is go to the gym. But what I'm going to do it update this blog with some pictures I've taken over the past couple of months. So yes...there are going to be lots and lots of pictures in this post. I haven't posted any pics in a really long time so there is a lot to cover.
The first thing is my family's annual trip to my cabin for our reunion. We had a great time this year (as we do every year)! This year, because Mom & Dad will be gone, we celebrated Christmas in July. It was so fun! As per our (new) tradition, we did white elephant gifts. I got a Justin Bieber watch (oh yeah!), Jeff & Scott got some awesome singing hats, and Jordan came away with the prize possession of an autographed picture of...ME! Haha! Other than Christmas, we played games, rafted down the river, went on a hike, played tennis, took a trip into Yellowstone, went to a rodeo, and just hung out. I love my family! We always have a great time together.
Since the cabin trip, I've just been hanging out with friends - trying to take advantage of what's left of the summer as much as we could. Setting aside all the drama that has surrounded my summer, it's been a pretty great few months!
I played boccie ball with some friends at one of our many game nights.
I went to a Death Cab for Cutie concert with Jo & Melissa.
I went camping for Labor Day weekend (3 nights of sleeping in a tent) with Brant (the mysterious Mr. B I've been writing to much about lately) Katie, Gary, and Chris.
And to the Utah State Fair with Brant.
I'm sad to see this summer come to an end, but I LOVE fall and can't wait for all the fun things it brings with it.
Well, since I knew today was going to be a hard day, I took it off from work! Yay! So now I'm sitting at home wondering what to do. What I should do is go to the gym. But what I'm going to do it update this blog with some pictures I've taken over the past couple of months. So yes...there are going to be lots and lots of pictures in this post. I haven't posted any pics in a really long time so there is a lot to cover.
The first thing is my family's annual trip to my cabin for our reunion. We had a great time this year (as we do every year)! This year, because Mom & Dad will be gone, we celebrated Christmas in July. It was so fun! As per our (new) tradition, we did white elephant gifts. I got a Justin Bieber watch (oh yeah!), Jeff & Scott got some awesome singing hats, and Jordan came away with the prize possession of an autographed picture of...ME! Haha! Other than Christmas, we played games, rafted down the river, went on a hike, played tennis, took a trip into Yellowstone, went to a rodeo, and just hung out. I love my family! We always have a great time together.
Since the cabin trip, I've just been hanging out with friends - trying to take advantage of what's left of the summer as much as we could. Setting aside all the drama that has surrounded my summer, it's been a pretty great few months!
I played boccie ball with some friends at one of our many game nights.
I went to a Death Cab for Cutie concert with Jo & Melissa.
I went camping for Labor Day weekend (3 nights of sleeping in a tent) with Brant (the mysterious Mr. B I've been writing to much about lately) Katie, Gary, and Chris.
And to the Utah State Fair with Brant.
I'm sad to see this summer come to an end, but I LOVE fall and can't wait for all the fun things it brings with it.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Trapped
Ok...yes. I know I already posted today. So what? It's one of those days. Forgive me?
I don't know what's up with me today, but I am feeling trapped. Trapped by this world I've created for myself. A world that includes a job, good friends, family nearby, 2 cats, church, and a boy. Sounds pretty terrible doesn't it? I mean, who would want my life when I put it like that? I hope you got that I was being very sarcastic.
So, then why do I feel like I want to escape it all? Why do all of a sudden I have this need to be anywhere but where I am, be anyone but who I am, do anything but what I'm doing?
And why is it that the weekend I NEED to get away from it all I can't?
I've been contemplating going to St. George this weekend. Just me. No one else. Solo. I'd do nothing but sit by the pool & read my book for hours. Maybe go to a movie. What movie? It wouldn't matter...whatever I felt like watching. I even got so far as looking up hotels to stay in. But before making a reservation, I checked the weather. There is one day for the next week when it's going to storm in St. George. Just take a guess what day that is. Yep! You guessed it...tomorrow. Oh...and then I remembered that I have plans tomorrow night & my parents will be back from the MTC for one last weekend together before they're gone. So never mind that idea.
But I need to get away. By myself. Be alone. Think about nothing and everything all at once. Just be ME for a while. Even if it's just for a day. A night. A few hours. A month (haha JK...though it does sound amazing right now).
As I've been thinking about why I feel this overwhelming need to retreat, I realized a few things:
1) I NEED "me" time. Time where I am alone doing what I want to do, not caring about anyone else. Listening to loud music. Dancing around in my undies. Eating bad for me food and not caring. Watching a good ol' fashion chick flick. Being ME.
2) I haven't had "me" time since the beginning of June when I started dating Jared (and possibly before that. I'm not sure when the last "me" day was to be honest). I was always with Jared. Then when that ended I was always with friends. Now I'm always with B. The only time I'm alone is when I'm at work... but I'm still not doing what I WANT to do. So it doesn't count as "me" time.
3) My life has been such a roller coaster for the past few months, I don't think my emotions and thoughts have really been able to catch up. I think they are just starting too and it's very overwhelming. I'm not even sure who I am anymore or what I'm feeling. I need time to figure those things out.
4) I love to travel, and I haven't gone away since April. That's a long time for me. No wonder I'm feeling the itch. I like Utah (well...sort of). But I can't stay here for long before I have to leave. I know St. George is still Utah...but it's not Bountiful, UT. So it would work.
5) I don't know when or where to, but I WILL get away soon! Maybe next weekend? I may be making a visit to St. George.
But for now I'm going to settle for going camping with B tonight and calling in sick tomorrow. At least I'll have a "me" morning/afternoon tomorrow. Hopefully it'll help.
I don't know what's up with me today, but I am feeling trapped. Trapped by this world I've created for myself. A world that includes a job, good friends, family nearby, 2 cats, church, and a boy. Sounds pretty terrible doesn't it? I mean, who would want my life when I put it like that? I hope you got that I was being very sarcastic.
So, then why do I feel like I want to escape it all? Why do all of a sudden I have this need to be anywhere but where I am, be anyone but who I am, do anything but what I'm doing?
And why is it that the weekend I NEED to get away from it all I can't?
I've been contemplating going to St. George this weekend. Just me. No one else. Solo. I'd do nothing but sit by the pool & read my book for hours. Maybe go to a movie. What movie? It wouldn't matter...whatever I felt like watching. I even got so far as looking up hotels to stay in. But before making a reservation, I checked the weather. There is one day for the next week when it's going to storm in St. George. Just take a guess what day that is. Yep! You guessed it...tomorrow. Oh...and then I remembered that I have plans tomorrow night & my parents will be back from the MTC for one last weekend together before they're gone. So never mind that idea.
But I need to get away. By myself. Be alone. Think about nothing and everything all at once. Just be ME for a while. Even if it's just for a day. A night. A few hours. A month (haha JK...though it does sound amazing right now).
As I've been thinking about why I feel this overwhelming need to retreat, I realized a few things:
1) I NEED "me" time. Time where I am alone doing what I want to do, not caring about anyone else. Listening to loud music. Dancing around in my undies. Eating bad for me food and not caring. Watching a good ol' fashion chick flick. Being ME.
2) I haven't had "me" time since the beginning of June when I started dating Jared (and possibly before that. I'm not sure when the last "me" day was to be honest). I was always with Jared. Then when that ended I was always with friends. Now I'm always with B. The only time I'm alone is when I'm at work... but I'm still not doing what I WANT to do. So it doesn't count as "me" time.
3) My life has been such a roller coaster for the past few months, I don't think my emotions and thoughts have really been able to catch up. I think they are just starting too and it's very overwhelming. I'm not even sure who I am anymore or what I'm feeling. I need time to figure those things out.
4) I love to travel, and I haven't gone away since April. That's a long time for me. No wonder I'm feeling the itch. I like Utah (well...sort of). But I can't stay here for long before I have to leave. I know St. George is still Utah...but it's not Bountiful, UT. So it would work.
5) I don't know when or where to, but I WILL get away soon! Maybe next weekend? I may be making a visit to St. George.
But for now I'm going to settle for going camping with B tonight and calling in sick tomorrow. At least I'll have a "me" morning/afternoon tomorrow. Hopefully it'll help.
What a Day
This post is a few days late in coming; but honestly, I've been really busy and haven't had much time to sit and blog. So I apologize. I also apologize for the length...
Well, Sunday was quite the day for me, my family, and well...America. Sunday was Sept. 11. Now, unless you've been living under a rock for the past 10 years, you know what that day means. It was the 10-year "anniversary" of the terrorist attacks on our great country. I can't believe it's been 10 years! I still remember that day like it was almost yesterday.
I was a senior at Bountiful High School. I heard the terrible news the moment I got to school. I had choir with Mr. Smith first period - it was Xela, the women's show choir. I remember Mr. Smith rolled in a TV so that we could watch the news footage. It was so sobering. None of us could believe our eyes. Who would do this?!?! Why would anyone do this?!?!
Because the Olympics were coming to SLC in 2002, our choir was learning patriotic songs (not only did we do a patriotic concert, we were privileged to sing as the Olympic torch was carried around the track at BHS). That day, singing those songs meant much more than they had just the day before. I had never felt so much love & pride in my country. I was proud to be an American! It was difficult to get through the songs without crying, but we sang about the love of our country as best as we could.
My next class was Human Anatomy. The second class started, my teacher said that she wanted every single one of us to call our parents and just tell them how much we love them. If we didn't have a cell phone, she said we could use hers (remember 10 years ago when not everyone above the age of 10 had a cell phone?). She too wheeled in a TV so we could continue watching the news coverage.
Later that day I had my second choir class. It was pretty much a repeat of first period (minus the TV & plus more people - including guys). The power with which we sang those songs was tangible. Again, it was hard to sing them without crying. But no one wanted to sing any of our other songs. So we continued to show pride in our country which had just been attacked.
No, I did not know anyone at the time who was in either of the Twin Towers. I had yet to have any real connection to NYC. It wasn't my city yet. I didn't have the love for the city that I do now. But that didn't matter. It wasn't just the city that was attacked. It was the country. It was every single American. Man, woman, child. We were all effected by it. Life has never been the same for anyone.
After living in NYC, I have met many people who did live in NYC at the time. Some have miraculous stories to share of how they should have been either in one of the towers or in the surrounding area that day, but for some reason, they weren't there. There are stories of bravery & heroism. There are stories of loved ones being lost. There are stories of being so scared for their lives they didn't know what to do other than pray. We each have our story of what happened on that fateful day. Some are like mine - from a distance. Some are first-hand experiences. But whatever our story is, we all have one. We will never forget the day when country-wide, the Earth stood still. It's amazing how drastically things can change in the blink of an eye.
Another reason why Sunday was such an emotional day, was because it was my parents' farewell. My parents spoke to their ward the day before they left for the MTC to serve the Lord as missionaries. For some reason, I had agreed to sing on Sunday. I sang a beautiful arrangement of I am a Child of God. I was VERY nervous that I would not make it through the song. You see, I'm a crier. Like big time. I'm the worst in the fam. But that morning I prayed so hard that I wouldn't cry during my mom's talk or during my song. I wanted to be able to deliver the message of the song. I wanted to be able to share my testimony through the song as well. Plus I didn't want to look like a fool.
Well, my mom started speaking. I paid as much attention to it as I dared to. There were times, when she began to get teary-eyed that I had to start thinking of something else. Only once did my eyes begin to well up with tears. But somehow I was able to push them back in. Then it was my turn. I didn't dare look at my family as I sang. I knew if I did, I would lose it. I couldn't even look at my parents as I walked by them on the way to the podium. But guess what...I made it through the song! I think I sounded pretty good too (I hate saying that, it sounds like bragging).
I know that I was not alone up there. I had angels watching over me. Do you know how I know that? Because the SECOND I sat down after singing, I completely lost it! I mean, there was even a sob in there. Ask anyone around me. All the emotion that had been held back by the dam broke through with a vengeance. Luckily I had B there to hold my hand through it all. I don't think he really knew what to do as I sat there and cried. But there wasn't anything he could do but just sit there and hold me. And that's what he did - so he passed :)
After church, we had all our family up for some good food & good-byes. (B came up too...but more on that another time, maybe). Later, my parents were set apart as missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Oh man...that was TOUGH! The stake president made all the kids tell our parents how we feel about them. He could tell I was already losing it (yes...I started crying during the opening prayer before any of this had even begun), so we started youngest to oldest. Thank goodness!! I barely made it through as it was. Man, I was a mess. But again, I had B there to hold my hand & help me get through it. (Wow...that day had to be pretty crazy for him. Meeting my ENTIRE family for the first time, all at once, then having me completely bawling a couple of times & him not really able to do anything. I should apologize for putting him through that.)
By the end of the day, my parents & I (and I'm sure the whole fam & B) were drained! We were so tired - both emotionally & physically. It'd been a loooonnngggg day! But we made it through! It was a very wonderful day. I'm glad my parents had such a special day.
On Monday I said good-bye to them as they were driving to the MTC that morning. But they are only gone until Friday night, so it wasn't a tearful good-bye. We're saving that for this coming Monday when Cori & I take them to the airport. I've already told my work that I won't be coming in that day. I'll be WAYYYY too emotional to be productive. I plan on spending most of the day crying. But we'll cross that bridge when it comes. As for now, I'm going to relish in the fact that through a miracle & the help of the Lord, my parents & I were able to make it through a VERY emotional day without looking like bumbling idiots & totally cry babies. And that's saying something for us.
Man, I'm sure glad Sunday is over & done with! Now if only Monday can go as well...
Well, Sunday was quite the day for me, my family, and well...America. Sunday was Sept. 11. Now, unless you've been living under a rock for the past 10 years, you know what that day means. It was the 10-year "anniversary" of the terrorist attacks on our great country. I can't believe it's been 10 years! I still remember that day like it was almost yesterday.
I was a senior at Bountiful High School. I heard the terrible news the moment I got to school. I had choir with Mr. Smith first period - it was Xela, the women's show choir. I remember Mr. Smith rolled in a TV so that we could watch the news footage. It was so sobering. None of us could believe our eyes. Who would do this?!?! Why would anyone do this?!?!
Because the Olympics were coming to SLC in 2002, our choir was learning patriotic songs (not only did we do a patriotic concert, we were privileged to sing as the Olympic torch was carried around the track at BHS). That day, singing those songs meant much more than they had just the day before. I had never felt so much love & pride in my country. I was proud to be an American! It was difficult to get through the songs without crying, but we sang about the love of our country as best as we could.
My next class was Human Anatomy. The second class started, my teacher said that she wanted every single one of us to call our parents and just tell them how much we love them. If we didn't have a cell phone, she said we could use hers (remember 10 years ago when not everyone above the age of 10 had a cell phone?). She too wheeled in a TV so we could continue watching the news coverage.
Later that day I had my second choir class. It was pretty much a repeat of first period (minus the TV & plus more people - including guys). The power with which we sang those songs was tangible. Again, it was hard to sing them without crying. But no one wanted to sing any of our other songs. So we continued to show pride in our country which had just been attacked.
No, I did not know anyone at the time who was in either of the Twin Towers. I had yet to have any real connection to NYC. It wasn't my city yet. I didn't have the love for the city that I do now. But that didn't matter. It wasn't just the city that was attacked. It was the country. It was every single American. Man, woman, child. We were all effected by it. Life has never been the same for anyone.
After living in NYC, I have met many people who did live in NYC at the time. Some have miraculous stories to share of how they should have been either in one of the towers or in the surrounding area that day, but for some reason, they weren't there. There are stories of bravery & heroism. There are stories of loved ones being lost. There are stories of being so scared for their lives they didn't know what to do other than pray. We each have our story of what happened on that fateful day. Some are like mine - from a distance. Some are first-hand experiences. But whatever our story is, we all have one. We will never forget the day when country-wide, the Earth stood still. It's amazing how drastically things can change in the blink of an eye.
Another reason why Sunday was such an emotional day, was because it was my parents' farewell. My parents spoke to their ward the day before they left for the MTC to serve the Lord as missionaries. For some reason, I had agreed to sing on Sunday. I sang a beautiful arrangement of I am a Child of God. I was VERY nervous that I would not make it through the song. You see, I'm a crier. Like big time. I'm the worst in the fam. But that morning I prayed so hard that I wouldn't cry during my mom's talk or during my song. I wanted to be able to deliver the message of the song. I wanted to be able to share my testimony through the song as well. Plus I didn't want to look like a fool.
Well, my mom started speaking. I paid as much attention to it as I dared to. There were times, when she began to get teary-eyed that I had to start thinking of something else. Only once did my eyes begin to well up with tears. But somehow I was able to push them back in. Then it was my turn. I didn't dare look at my family as I sang. I knew if I did, I would lose it. I couldn't even look at my parents as I walked by them on the way to the podium. But guess what...I made it through the song! I think I sounded pretty good too (I hate saying that, it sounds like bragging).
I know that I was not alone up there. I had angels watching over me. Do you know how I know that? Because the SECOND I sat down after singing, I completely lost it! I mean, there was even a sob in there. Ask anyone around me. All the emotion that had been held back by the dam broke through with a vengeance. Luckily I had B there to hold my hand through it all. I don't think he really knew what to do as I sat there and cried. But there wasn't anything he could do but just sit there and hold me. And that's what he did - so he passed :)
After church, we had all our family up for some good food & good-byes. (B came up too...but more on that another time, maybe). Later, my parents were set apart as missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Oh man...that was TOUGH! The stake president made all the kids tell our parents how we feel about them. He could tell I was already losing it (yes...I started crying during the opening prayer before any of this had even begun), so we started youngest to oldest. Thank goodness!! I barely made it through as it was. Man, I was a mess. But again, I had B there to hold my hand & help me get through it. (Wow...that day had to be pretty crazy for him. Meeting my ENTIRE family for the first time, all at once, then having me completely bawling a couple of times & him not really able to do anything. I should apologize for putting him through that.)
By the end of the day, my parents & I (and I'm sure the whole fam & B) were drained! We were so tired - both emotionally & physically. It'd been a loooonnngggg day! But we made it through! It was a very wonderful day. I'm glad my parents had such a special day.
On Monday I said good-bye to them as they were driving to the MTC that morning. But they are only gone until Friday night, so it wasn't a tearful good-bye. We're saving that for this coming Monday when Cori & I take them to the airport. I've already told my work that I won't be coming in that day. I'll be WAYYYY too emotional to be productive. I plan on spending most of the day crying. But we'll cross that bridge when it comes. As for now, I'm going to relish in the fact that through a miracle & the help of the Lord, my parents & I were able to make it through a VERY emotional day without looking like bumbling idiots & totally cry babies. And that's saying something for us.
Man, I'm sure glad Sunday is over & done with! Now if only Monday can go as well...
Friday, September 9, 2011
Dear _____,
Dear Mom & Dad,
You leave for the MTC on MONDAY! Yep - just a few days from now and you'll be official missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I can't believe that you're going to be gone for 18 months. I know the time will go fast, but I'm going to miss you so much! It's going to be hard not to be able to just call you when I need a recipe. Or text you when I need to just tell you something quick. Or see you pretty much whenever I want. But you'll be serving the Lord, which is such an amazing thing. I'm so proud to be your daughter. I love you both so much! You mean the world to me. Thank goodness we have email and Skype. We'll be able to stay in touch over the next while. And just think - next summer I'll come visit you! Won't that be fun?!? Sure, the next year and a half are going to be hard not having you around, but we'll make it through. Sure do love you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear B,
Well, I guess I've figured out how I feel about you finally. And I'm glad you feel the same about me. Who would have ever thought we'd be where we are. I know neither one of us did. Even though we are so completely different - in practically every way (with a few exceptions such as black licorice, Cougar Town, and kissing) - somehow what we've got really works. For now at least. Who knows what the future will bring. But I'm looking forward to what's ahead of us. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous for you to meet my family on Sunday. Is it too soon to introduce you to them? Is this a bad idea? I'm not sure the answers to those questions. I guess we'll find out in a couple of days.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear K,
I'm glad we've become friends. It's nice to have a good girl friend in my new ward. Plus we have tons of fun together. And we are kind of the same person. So it's like hanging out with myself - and who doesn't like that? Hahaha! Thanks for putting up with me & B all the time. And thanks for being my sounding board. I'm glad I'm yours too. It makes so I don't feel as bad when I go on and on about things sometimes. Thanks for introducing me to Cougar Town. It's so funny!!! And yes - one day we should have our very own "Cul de Sac Crew." It'd be awesome!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear J,
This will be my last letter to you. No - we haven't yet talked face to face since that fateful day. But I'm starting to not care. Sure, I still am a little cautious w/ B at church things - just in case you're around. But that's going to stop. I'm with B now, and how you feel about it has no effect on me whatsoever. Is that cruel to say? I'm doing really good about not thinking about you. Your name usually only pops into my head when someone brings you up or mentions something from when we were together. I might not be totally free of you, but I'm no longer hurting. Are you really ever free from the first guy you truly loved? I don't think so. So yes, you will always be a part of me. But you'll only get a very small part.
This will be my last letter to you. No - we haven't yet talked face to face since that fateful day. But I'm starting to not care. Sure, I still am a little cautious w/ B at church things - just in case you're around. But that's going to stop. I'm with B now, and how you feel about it has no effect on me whatsoever. Is that cruel to say? I'm doing really good about not thinking about you. Your name usually only pops into my head when someone brings you up or mentions something from when we were together. I might not be totally free of you, but I'm no longer hurting. Are you really ever free from the first guy you truly loved? I don't think so. So yes, you will always be a part of me. But you'll only get a very small part.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)