Trapped

Ok...yes. I know I already posted today. So what? It's one of those days. Forgive me?

I don't know what's up with me today, but I am feeling trapped. Trapped by this world I've created for myself. A world that includes a job, good friends, family nearby, 2 cats, church, and a boy. Sounds pretty terrible doesn't it? I mean, who would want my life when I put it like that? I hope you got that I was being very sarcastic.


So, then why do I feel like I want to escape it all? Why do all of a sudden I have this need to be anywhere but where I am, be anyone but who I am, do anything but what I'm doing?

And why is it that the weekend I NEED to get away from it all I can't?

I've been contemplating going to St. George this weekend. Just me. No one else. Solo. I'd do nothing but sit by the pool & read my book for hours. Maybe go to a movie. What movie? It wouldn't matter...whatever I felt like watching. I even got so far as looking up hotels to stay in. But before making a reservation, I checked the weather. There is one day for the next week when it's going to storm in St. George. Just take a guess what day that is. Yep! You guessed it...tomorrow. Oh...and then I remembered that I have plans tomorrow night & my parents will be back from the MTC for one last weekend together before they're gone. So never mind that idea.

But I need to get away. By myself. Be alone. Think about nothing and everything all at once. Just be ME for a while. Even if it's just for a day. A night. A few hours. A month (haha JK...though it does sound amazing right now).

As I've been thinking about why I feel this overwhelming need to retreat, I realized a few things:

1) I NEED "me" time. Time where I am alone doing what I want to do, not caring about anyone else. Listening to loud music. Dancing around in my undies. Eating bad for me food and not caring. Watching a good ol' fashion chick flick. Being ME.

2) I haven't had "me" time since the beginning of June when I started dating Jared (and possibly before that. I'm not sure when the last "me" day was to be honest). I was always with Jared. Then when that ended I was always with friends. Now I'm always with B. The only time I'm alone is when I'm at work... but I'm still not doing what I WANT to do. So it doesn't count as "me" time.

3) My life has been such a roller coaster for the past few months, I don't think my emotions and thoughts have really been able to catch up. I think they are just starting too and it's very overwhelming. I'm not even sure who I am anymore or what I'm feeling. I need time to figure those things out.

4) I love to travel, and I haven't gone away since April. That's a long time for me. No wonder I'm feeling the itch. I like Utah (well...sort of). But I can't stay here for long before I have to leave. I know St. George is still Utah...but it's not Bountiful, UT. So it would work.

5) I don't know when or where to, but I WILL get away soon! Maybe next weekend? I may be making a visit to St. George.

But for now I'm going to settle for going camping with B tonight and calling in sick tomorrow. At least I'll have a "me" morning/afternoon tomorrow. Hopefully it'll help.