You Need to Stick Up For Yourself

I've heard those words my ENTIRE life. If there is ONE thing that I'm horrible at (OK let's be honest, there are plenty of things that qualify for this...) it would be confrontation. When I get hurt by someone, I bottle those feelings all up inside. Keep them nice and hidden. Tied in a pretty little bow. Buried in a deep, dark hole.

OK...maybe that's not entirely true. I vent. I go to someone close (Brant, a friend, a sister, my mom, etc.) and just let out all my steam. But the person who has hurt me? Yeah...I never tell them what is wrong. They often know something is wrong (I might keep my feeling hidden, but not the emotion behind them). They will ask. I will lie ("Oh nothing's wrong...I'm fine. Honestly."). So I continue to be hurt with no room for restitution.

Now, tell me this...how is that fair to me?

It's not.

Therefore, people always telling me to stick up for myself.

So in the past year or so, I've made a conscious effort to try and tell people when I've been hurt. I've stuck up for myself when a friend or someone close to me has injured me.

What I've learned...

I've learned that people DO NOT like to be confronted and that all those people who have told me to stick up for myself kind of suck! I've gotten a lot of heartache from confronting those who have hurt me. I've learned that it's often easier & better in the end for the majority of the people involved if I just keep my mouth shut and don't say anything (I say majority because it seems better for everyone but ME). I've learned that I would rather be the one hurting than know that I hurt someone else that I care about by telling them how they have hurt me. I've learned that honesty hurts.

But I've also learned how great it feels to have the weight lifted from my shoulders by unburdening myself of those dark feelings. I've learned that now that I've confronted a few people it's easier to do it the next time. I've learned that when I say how I feel I am leaving it in the other person's hands as to how they react. I've learned that sometimes it's imperative that I put myself first. I've learned that true friends will understand why it's important for me to confront them & will be willing to work through it TOGETHER. But I've also learned that some will simply turn their backs and walk away. Those aren't true friends. I've learned that if I truly care about the person, I won't hide those feelings away from them. I will share them. They will accept them. We will move on.

It's getting to the moving on part that is hard though. Wish I were there now...