Reborn

I feel like I've been through a kind of re-birth as of late. And for those of you who have been around me you might be thinking to yourself "thank goodness! it's about time!" And I couldn't agree with you more. I feel like I've been in this dark place - I'll call "the womb". I've been kicking and screaming (ok babies in the womb don't actually scream...that would be creepy...but I have been, so just go with it) and I've hurting those around me (I've never been pregnant, but I'm pretty sure those kicks from inside are often quite painful). But I feel like my gestation period is over and I've come out a new me.

Let me explain...

For the past...oh...couple of months almost, I've been this alternate Kristy. For those of you who watch Fringe (and for those of you who don't - you should!) it was like I've been Walternet for the past while - this other Kristy from a parallel universe. It's like alternate Kristy crossed over and imprisoned the real Kristy somewhere she couldn't get out (like in a cell with no lights on). (I apologize - I just watched last season's finale of Fringe yesterday and dreamed about being in an alternate world all night - so it's kind of on my mind).

Anyway, like Walternet, I don't like this other Kristy. She's mean. She's judgmental. She's anti-social. She's really anti-everything and everyone. She's quiet. She's sad. She's angry. In short - she's not me.

Well...she is me. But not who I want to be.

Like I was saying...

I've been this other person. But I feel like I'm FINALLY getting out of it! I think my "funk" is finally starting to end which hopefully means I am returning to the fun and happy Kristy. The Kristy people like (including myself).

And what has caused this change? Well I pretty much can chalk it all up to a great Relief Society teacher and an excellent example. And of course my Heavenly Father. I don't really want to go into all the details, but it was through a RS lesson the other week that I really began to realize something was missing from my life and that I needed to change. But being the stubborn person that I am it took a few more inspired RS lessons to really sink in. And then the constant example of a roommate helped me see what I needed to do. Finally, and most importantly, the Lord was, and is, there to help me become a better person. To help me be kinder, happier, more fun...the Kristy I want to be.

I wish that I could really just start anew. But I know there are hurt feelings in the wake alternate Kristy left behind, and the real Kristy is left to fix things. But while I'm trying to make things better, I'm also thinking of it as a time to start over in the areas that I can (such as exercising, reading my scriptures, praying, etc.). Instead of focusing on all the things that I've failed at lately, I'm going to try extra hard to only focus on the future and what I can do to succeed. I really am thinking of this as a re-birth of a brand new me.