200th Post - Where are you Christmas?

Yes folks, that's right. I've hit the 200th post landmark in my blogging journey. Sure, some of you may be thinking "only 200? I'm on post 9,672. 200 is pathetic." But I don't care. It's still my landmark, so I'm going to celebrate it :). So to celebrate, I'm going to list out 200 amazing facts about myself

HAHA JUST KIDDING!! Talk about a LONG & BORING post!

In all reality, I wanted my 200th post to be something special. But honestly, I just want to write a blog post right now and the only thing I can think of is how different this Christmas is for me. So...I'm giving up the idea of an epic 200th post and writing about what is on my mind. So here you go...

I don't know what it is, but it seems that each year the Christmas season seems less like Christmas than the year before. And this year is no different. Seriously. I can't put my finger on why I don't feel like it's Christmas (IN 4 DAYS!). I feel like I should go around everywhere singing the Faith Hill song "Where Are You Christmas?" because it kind of is exactly how I feel. Minus the ending when she realizes that Christmas has always been there & the world is right again because she feels the spirit of Christmas in her life. I'm still waiting for that.

~ Maybe it's my lack of desire to listen to Christmas music (which is a novelty for me). Honestly, when a Christmas song comes on the radio, I cringe & change the station. Except if it's Justin Bieber Mistletoe. LOVE THAT SONG!
~ Maybe it's because we celebrated Christmas in July so I don't really have any Christmas gifts to buy (only the 1 for Brant & that was purchased on Black Friday).
~ Maybe it's because my parents are a million miles away and the thought that I'm going to wake up to an empty house on Christmas Day makes me cry so I don't think about it. EVER. Except for now...and yes...I'm starting to cry.
~ Maybe it's because I have A MILLION other things on my mind besides Christmas. (Mainly surrounding my wedding and trying to get that all planned, while working overtime trying to finish charitable organization tax returns before the real busy season starts.)
~ Maybe it's because I don't have little kids around me all excited about what Santa is going to bring them.
~ Maybe it's because there is NO snow anywhere in the state of Utah. OK...that's probably an exaggeration. I'm sure there is snow some places in Utah. But not much. And not anywhere I am. 
~ Maybe it's because I no longer get a long break for Christmas. One where I get to leave my current place of residence behind & come home for the holidays. Now I just stay where I am. Talk about boring.

Whatever the reason may be...I just don't feel like it's Christmas. I have no Christmas cheer. It seems like just another week this week. It seems like this weekend is just another weekend. Except it's a long one (yay!!). But who knows. Maybe my life will end up like that Faith Hill song & I will be reacquainted with Christmas at the last moment & this will end up being one of the best Christmases so far in my life.

Here's hoping!

He Gets Me

This morning at 7am, not knowing if Brant was awake or not, I sent him the following text message:

"If the person you look up to the most in your life told you he didn't think we were a good match, would you still love me and want to marry me?"

You see, I had just had a horrible dream. I dreamt that Brant & I had been arguing and I left to go out of town with some friends right after. I called him that night to make sure things were good between us, but he told me that he wasn't doing very well. He said how someone (I never found out who it was) told him we weren't a good match and that it made him re-think getting married to me. Obviously I started crying & freaking out - the man I love was breaking up with me - over the phone no less! He wouldn't say much else, no matter how much I pressed him for more answers. It was terrible! Needless to say, I woke up crying and feeling like my real life was crashing down as well.

Side-note: my dreams have a tendency of being very realistic & messing with my head. They stick with me for a long time. It's hard for me to shake the feelings I get from certain dreams. This is one that I know will stick with me for a while.

The only good thing that came from this dream is when I explained why I asked that question, Brant didn't laugh and say how silly I am for letting a dream upset me that much. He just said "No chance of me leaving you, girl. I love you Kristy Carpenter."

Yep! Brant gets me. Just one more reason I love him.

Wifely Instincts

So you know how yesterday I mentioned that Brant was sick (that's if anyone actually read that super random post)? Well I'm a little bitter about it.

That sounds wierd. Let me explain...

I'm not bitter that he's sick. I'm bitter that I'm not the one taking care of him. His mom & dad are the ones taking care of him. The most I have done is text him throughout the day to see how he's doing & then I go down to his house for a couple of hours to watch TV/a movie with him. And he won't let me do anything for him other than maybe give him a back or a foot massage. Ugh!

In the mean time, his mom is there to try to get him to eat food, personally go in and check on him every so often, wait on him hand and foot & get him anything he wants. That may not sound so great to a lot of you... but it's what I like to do for those I love when they are sick (I'm going to be such a great mom! I'm going to baby those kids when they are sick and they will love me forever for it!) And I don't know if his mom is actually babying him like I would be. But it makes me feel better (or worse?) to think that she is.

Anyway... these "wifely instincts", as I'm calling them, really kicked in today when April (Brant's mom) text me saying they were going to take him into the ER (thanks to every doctor's office in Davis County being closed due to power outages from this 70 MPH wind). But then she mentioned how they didn't have a {working} car so she wasn't sure how they were going to make it happen. Obviously I jumped on that grenade and said I could come home during lunch and take them. Yay! A way I could fulfill my wifely duties (ok...so I'm not his wife yet, but that's just semantics).

Well...I just got a text from Brant saying how I didn't need to come by at lunch anymore because his dad (grrrr) is going to take him (he got back early from work I guess...). UGH! Really?!?! All I want is to be able to help him out when he's not feeling well & to take care of my baby. But I keep getting thwarted at every turn.

I know some day I might do anything I can to get out of having to take care of a sick husband and/or child. But for now? I'm going to be bitter that I can't.

Very Random Thoughts by a Very Random Girl

I think the worst part about coming back to work after a long holiday weekend is...well...coming back to work. Hahaha! 

What did I just say on that voice mail to my client? I'd be very welcome to do that for you? HUH?!?!

I kind of wish it'd snow. I know...I think I just saw a pig fly by my window.

B's sick. Part of me hopes I get it because it'd mean days off work. But I don't like being sick. Plus I need the money. So I actually hope I don't get it.

Speaking of money...weddings are EXPENSIVE!! Ugh! Now is the time I REALLY wish I had a money tree growing in my back yard.

I'm sitting at my desk right now with a tax file open pretending to work. That pretty much explains my day up til now. And it foretells what the rest of my day will look like.

My heart leaps with joy when B calls me Kristy Erickson Carpenter - even though he usually says it when I'm being stubborn & won't listen to him. It doesn't get me to listen, but it sure makes me smile.

I'm so thankful I have my sister Kacee - she's stepped up & taken over the role of mom, sister, maid of honor, & wedding planner. She's amazing!

I need to work on my honesty with people. I lie way too much. Sure, they're small white lies. But they do pile up.

Sometimes I want to B*#&$-slap someone just to say that I have. 

Too much caffeine makes me feel like I'm on the verge of crying. Sadly so does PMS. Mix those two? You've got me today...

I read my friend's blog today & it made me want to be a better person. Especially when it comes to my spirituality. I have A LOT to work on.

I was so proud of myself today - I didn't order a slice of cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory when we went there for lunch.

Confession: on the way home last night I stopped at McDonald's and got a 10-piece chicken nuggets. I accompanied them with a symphony bar (a big one) & a Reese's Christmas tree. Needless to say I felt sick this morning. And it explains the no cheesecake at lunch.

I wish people would stop asking me about the small details of my wedding (e.g. what music will you be dancing to?). I'm still planning the big stuff - so back off people!

Remember how this summer there was a lot of drama in my life? Well...I'm sad to say I kind of miss it. But at the same time I don't. I guess what I actually miss is writing fun cryptic blog posts to/about random guys. 

I hate these new ads on facebook. It keeps saying that I've won. I just want to yell "SHUT UP!!" Instead I just closed facebook.

I have 73 days until I'm married. Is it pathetic that I know that? Yes. Do I care? No. Will I make it? Man I hope so! It seems forever away though. 

I finished my Christmas shopping yesterday. It helps that I only have one person to buy for. But still...it's DONE!

What do I want for Christmas? B keeps asking me. I have no idea.

I'm sure I've bored anyone who actually took the time to read this post.

Maybe I'll do some actual work for the last hour I'm here. :)

Bye!

It's My Birthday?

Tomorrow is my birthday. I'm turning 28. But I don't feel like it's my birthday. I feel like it's just another day. Maybe it's because it's on Thanksgiving. Maybe it's because I've been consumed with the wedding that I haven't been able to get excited about my birthday. Maybe because I really hate the fact that I'm getting older & 28 sounds SOOOOO old! Maybe it's because I'm not having a party. Maybe it's a combination of all those things & more. But whatever the reason, it doesn't seem like it's my birthday at all. And that's actually OK with me.

A Little Home Sick

There are days when I really miss living in NYC.

I miss the people.

I miss the hustle & bustle.

I miss the stores all decorated for Christmas.

I miss the shopping.

I miss walking EVERYWHERE.

I miss that you can walk a few blocks and feel like you're in a different city/state/country.

I miss Broadway shows.

I miss the restaurants.

I miss saying "I live in NYC."

I miss my friends.

I miss my small apartment on the 5th floor (no elevator).

I miss the street vendors (mainly the ones selling fruit).

 I miss Central Park.

I miss taking walks/going for a run along the river.

I miss... New York.

Making Progress?

Man! Weddings are hard to plan! Especially without your mom here to help you with everything. And especially when you're not doing one of those "invite everyone you, your parents, your fiance, and his parents have ever known" Utah Mormon wedding receptions held in the chapel gym. Both Brant & I want something small - with just our family and close friends.

That makes it tough.

I knew weddings aren't the easiest things to plan. But I didn't expect so much drama to be involved. Here is just a taste of some of the drama I've been dealing with surrounding this wedding:

- Choosing a date: Brant & I want January, but his little brother doesn't get home from his mission until Feb. 6. But we really don't want a Valentine's Day wedding (which means no Feb. 11 or 18). Kacee is gone the last week of February. I can't do March because of tax busy season...Ugh!

- Deciding on colors: this is just because both Brant & I are very indecisive people. And there are just WAY too many colors in this world.

- Bridesmaids: first there were two. Then three. Then two again. Then one? Then two. Now possibly three? I'm at a total loss what to do here still.

- Finding a reception place: Brant & I had a pretty specific idea of what we wanted before we started looking at places for our dinner/reception. Our ideal place? A barn. Do you know how many barns there are in Utah where you don't have to do EVERYTHING? None. Zero. Zip. So then the search for something rustic, small, nice, elegant, not cheesy, not too expensive, and where they provide tables/chairs/linens/decor/etc. commenced. But remember how both B & I are indecisive? Yeah...

- Temple: no, it wasn't a big decision on if we get married in a temple or not. But it hasn't been easy deciding which temple to go to. You see, I've always had my heart on the Bountiful Temple. Brant has always had his heart set on the Manti Temple. Well...he won me over on the idea of the Manti Temple (somehow...I guess I really love him or something). But it wasn't as easy to convince my parents. Heck...we're still trying to convince them. They (or I should say my dad) aren't happy about our decision. It's too far. It could snow. Not everyone will be able to go. Blah blah blah. DRAMA!

- Dresses: not my dress. Dresses for others. I have a large family & all my siblings are married with kids (mostly girls). The big question is: do ALL the girls in my family (including nieces) wear dresses to match the wedding party? Because if so, that's almost 1/2 our reception. That's a lot of people. And a lot of money.

Well...that's just SOME of the drama that I've been dealing with the past 2 weeks. But don't get me wrong. Brant & I are also having a good time planning the wedding. I feel like we talk about it non-stop, but it wasn't until this weekend that we actually got any planning done.

Yes, folks...Brant & I have made some decisons about our wedding. Here is what we know so far:

- Date: February 11, 2012.
- Temple: Manti (with the Bountiful Temple as a back-up in case of a HUGE blizzard)
- Reception/Dinner: held the night before at Millcreek Inn (well...we hope. We're still waiting on an estimate)
- Colors: a couple different shades of blues, brown, and cream
- Dresses: I'm giving in to my mom's request & getting dresses for ALL the girls in my family.
- The happiest people in the world: Brant & me

Yes, there has been a lot of drama so far (and I'm sure there will be plenty still to come), but I am still so happy to be marrying Brant! I sure hope Feb. 11 gets here soon!!!