I Should Have Stayed Home Today

I'm having one of my "I don't want to do any of the work sitting on my desk right now so instead I'm going to catch up on my friends' blogs & facebook & my own blog" days. It's only my 4th day back to work and I'm already at this point. It's probably because for some strange reason there isn't a lot of work for me to do so I'm hesitant to do what I have to do in fear that I'll run out. But that also means that I won't get paid for the whole day even though I'll be here for at least 8 hours (I am paid hourly & I can't charge for time I'm not working...sadly). Oh well. I guess.

But per tradition of my non-productive work days. Here is what is on my mind:

I told B last night that we needed to get me some winter boots because I want to go hiking & winter camping. He was so surprised he almost choked (I probably shouldn't have told him while he was brushing his teeth). I hate the cold, but for some reason those two things sound really fun to me right now. So at lunch today I did a little research online, saw that REI was having a great sale on their winter boots, & I went shopping! I ended up with these beauties:

I wish they were a little taller, but I think they'll be great! I can't wait to try them out!!

Neither B or I have unpacked from our honeymoon yet. What's worse...he hasn't unpacked from his move to my (I guess our) house. So the house is kind of a disaster with clothes EVERYWHERE! The majority of his clothes are still downstairs in the "pit" - they haven't even made it up to our room! Hopefully this weekend we can get things put away and it can start feeling like we actually live there.

I can't wait to see my pictures from my wedding! It was such an amazing day filled with family, friends, love, and of course dancing! My nieces were a RIOT at the dinner! It was so fun to dance with them! And my nephew Jack even slow danced with me :). And don't even get me started on Brant's brother Kent & cousin Kotah! Oh my goodness they were so fun! All in all it was a wonderful day and EXACTLY how I wanted to celebrate my marriage to Brant! I'm glad that the stress of it all is over, but I wouldn't mind having another party like that again soon! (Just not one that I have to plan hahaha!)

I want to go on vacation again! B & I had a great time on our cruise to Catalina & Ensenada (pictures & details...well some details...to come). But I'm already looking forward to our next trip together. Even if it's only a weekend getaway. I'm not sure when that will be able to happen seeing as busy season in looming just around the corner & my Saturdays are going to be taken up with work (blah!). But hopefully we'll be able to sneak away sometime soon.

I've recently lost someone who was once really close to me. No - she didn't die. She's just cut me out of her life. I'm not really sure why she feels like it's necessary for us never to talk again. But she has made it painfully clear that she doesn't want to be a part of my life or for me to be a part of hers. And I'm actually okay with that. This "friend" has hurt me enough times and caused me enough headaches & heartaches that it's almost freeing to have this friendship end. That may sound rude/harsh/heartless/etc. But it's the truth. This week I discovered a song by Gotye called "Somebody That I Used To Know". It's about a break-up, but I feel like it kind of relates to how I feel about this friendship ending. These are some of the lyrics that really pertain to how I feel:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

.......

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

But had me believing it was always something that I'd done

But I don't want to live that way

Reading into every word you say

You said that you could let it go

And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

.......

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love {friendship}

But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

To this friend (if you still read my blog...) I just want to say that it's sad that our friendship had to end the way it did (or at all). We have had some really good times together and I'll miss that. But I think our friendship became toxic for both of us, so it's probably best that it has ended. There are many things I'll miss about not having you in my life. But, for the first time since we've been friends, I feel like I'm free to live my life for me and not for you. Good luck with your life. I hope you find what it is you're looking for.

My friend Deborah posted a little while ago (but I read it today) about what it's like to be a working mom. I've always planned on staying at home with my kids once I have any. But given the fact that B is only starting college this summer...most likely I'll have to be a working mom for at least a few years. D's post was very honest about how hard it is to be a working mom. It was both scary & refreshing to hear what she had to say about it. I hope that someday I'll be able to stay home with my {future} kids, but only time will tell.

The majority of my friends' blogs are about their kids...it kind of made me baby hungry today. But don't start getting any ideas. B & I aren't ready to have kids yet. We want to enjoy some time when it's just the two of us. Once we have kids we'll always have kids. So we need to cherish this time we have as a couple. 

I love being married. It really is all it's cracked up to be (in my almost two weeks of experience). It's so nice to just be able to go to sleep when we get tired & not feel like we have to stay up forever because we don't want to say good-bye. Now when we get tired we just go to bed...together! And waking up next to B is pretty awesome too! Sometimes it's still a little weird that I'm married, though. I think the weirdest thing for me is that I don't feel any different. It's such a big step in one's life, you would expect things to feel different after it happens. But I feel the same. I'm still me. B is still B. We haven't changed at all. It's like moving to a new place. You are still the same person, just your circumstances have changed. And every once in a while it hits you...wow! I'm actually LIVING here. Except for me it's...wow! I'm actually married!

Well...I guess I better get SOME work done today. I've put off things long enough. Plus there are only a couple hours left in the work day. I need to at least be able to get paid for 1/2 day. So...until next time!

I Should Be Sleeping

It's 5:30 am. I've been up for HOURS now. Yeah...that's right. HOURS! I had friends over tonight for a BBQ, games & a movie. I fell asleep during the movie. Brant woke me up at midnight to tell me to go to bed. Which I did. Then I woke up around 2:30 and have kind of been up since.

It's not fun.

I started thinking of all the things I need to finish in the next couple of days for the wedding. So I've been emailing people for the past hour or so with final details of the dinner.

I'm stressing out that we haven't gotten an RSVP back from 3 people and then I listened to the voice mail from my soon-to-be mother-in-law asking if we can add 4 more people to the dinner list (Nope...sorry April. No room. Too much stress. Can't do it.). Final count needs to be given tomorrow!

I got on facebook to catch up with some friends and that was a VERY bad idea. Not because I got sucked in and spent way too long on the site, but because I got some pretty hurtful news.

I'm stressed over work this week. I'm helping out 2 clients right now, which is SUPER stressful (as in I was tempted to start drinking on Friday because of it). Plus I have my other work to deal with & clients emailing me about their tax returns. This week is going to be tough.

On no sleep.

Not good at all!

But maybe now that I've got my emails sent, my feelings out & my eyes can barely stay open, I'll be able to get some more sleep (for another 1.5 hours at least). Hopefully I'll be able to forget my stress & my hurt feelings long enough to get SOME more sleep.

Oh...I really do hope so. Tomorrow (I guess today...) is going to be hard.

It's Time for Another Installment of RANDOM by Kristy

Yes folks, it's been a while since I've written one of my completely random, write whatever comes to my mind first posts. And since I'm sitting at work with nothing to do (we're just waiting for the madness of busy season to hit us any time now), this seems like an appropriate time for such a post. But this time is going to be a little different. I'm writing what comes to my mind first, but then elaborating on it - as that takes up more time and I've got 3 hours to kill. So enjoy!

I've Finally Decided On A Good Goal For The New Year: 
BE MORE SPONTANEOUS!

It came to me as I was reflecting on my adventures last night with Brant. Let me set the scene. It was 10 pm. It was snowing. There was a foot of snow at my house. Brant showed up barefoot!! I told him he's crazy. He said I should try it. I told him "heck no!" He persisted. I protested. I whined. Then against my better judgement, I rolled up my pants and stepped outside. After a lot of convincing (on his part), I took a few steps in the snow. Then Brant tells me he won't let me in until I've ran around to the front door with him...barefoot mind you. I protested. I whined. I tried trickery. Eventually I gave in and ran around the house barefoot with the man I love. 

Well, I guess Brant figured that if he persisted long enough he could basically get me to do anything (which is probably true I'll admit). So as we were sitting by the fire warming up our feet & drying off our pants, he comes up with our next adventure. Naked snow angels. I remind him that a) we're not married yet, so that can't happen, and b) it's freaking cold outside! So he changed the challenge to snow angels in our PJ's. Again, I protested. I whined. I pouted. (remember how it's freaking cold outside?) Brant said I needed more spontaneity in my life. He told me my protesting, etc. was all a show & that deep down I knew it'd be fun and that I really wanted to do it. How does he know me so well? So upstairs we went, ran outside through the snow in our PJ's, laid down & made two awesome snow angels. Well...one awesome snow angel. Brant's looked more like a butterfly. Hahaha!

But I started thinking about his comment that I needed more spontaneity in my life & that my protesting was mainly all for show (which honestly...when I think about it...it was). And hence I came up with my goal for the year. I'm going to be more ready & more willing to go with Brant when he suggest crazy things that I wouldn't normally do. Because guess what...it actually was pretty fun and exciting! 

2 Weeks!

That's right folks. Just 2 weeks until my parents come home! It's weird - I've gone longer without seeing them before when I lived in New York. But I miss them more somehow. Maybe because there is SO much going on in my life that I want to be sharing with them, but can't. But whatever reason it may be. I'm so excited for my parents to get here in 2 weeks from today! Plus that means that my wedding is just 5 days after that! And let me tell you...I CAN'T WAIT!! Seriously. 

Time...feel free to move VERY quickly the next two weeks.

What Is A True Friend?

I've been contemplating a lot on what constitutes a true friend. Just because you never see someone or talk to them...does that mean they aren't your friend anymore? Does it mean that you care less for someone just because they may not be a part of your daily life like they used to be? Does a true friend need to know EVERY aspect of your life at EVERY moment?

I don't think so.

I've decided that (to me) a true friend is someone who, after not talking to him/her in a long time, is just as interested in your life as they were when you saw them every day. 

A true friend understands when, despite both your efforts, you don't hang out with them for a while.

A true friend is someone who you go to when you're having a bad day.

A true friend does all he/she can to be there for you on an important day in your life - even if that means that despite that effort, they just couldn't make it work. At least they tried.

A true friend understands if something slips your mind & you forget to call. Like...when their mom has a major surgery. (Sorry Heather...I still love you though!)

A true friend doesn't turn & run away when the going gets rough. She sticks by you and works through it. Because in the end, your friendship means more than some stupid fight.

A true friend is someone it feels like no time has passed at all each time you are with them - even when it's been months, even years since you've seen them last.

A true friend is happy for you - no matter what trials they are going through in their life.

A true friend both gives & takes. It can't be all one-sided.

A true friend always loves you.

How I Can Be So Lucky?

Again, my last night adventures with Brant have made me wonder how I can be as lucky as I am. Seriously. Brant was standing in front of the fireplace warming himself after our snow angels and all I could think of was how stinking lucky I am to have a guy like him love me as much as he does. And I'm really lucky to have found someone to love as much as I love him. Sometimes it seems strange to me that I am actually marrying Brant Carpenter. But more in the sense of how can I be lucky enough to call him my husband? I've never been happier. And for that I feel blessed.

I also feel blessed that I have so many friends that I love and care about. And I know love and care about me. My friends risked their lives as they braved the snow storm on Saturday to come to my bridal shower. I sure am lucky to have friends like that.

I'm lucky to have two amazing parents who not only say they love the Lord, but show it daily as they are out serving a mission in Sweden. I'm lucky for all the lessons they have taught me while growing up (and I still consider myself growing up as the lessons have not stopped). And I'm SUPER lucky they get to come home for my wedding. 

I'm lucky that I have a family who is close and supports each other. I'm lucky to have sisters willing to give up countless hours helping me prepare for my wedding. I'm lucky to have such great examples of what married life is all about. It's not all happy times - but my family has shown me how true love can help you get through those tough times. I'm lucky that my siblings are such great examples of parents. I'm lucky I can be sealed to my family for eternity.

If I Could Be Anywhere Right Now...

I'd be with Brant. I know...super cheesy. But I'm guessing most people who are reading this post (if any) have given up by now. So I'm going to be as cheesy as I want. I'm in love. So sue me! Ha ha!

But in all honesty, that first statement is true. For some reason, I'm really missing Brant today. I don't know why. I was with him just last night. I normally can go more than 12 hours without missing him. But today? I woke up missing him. I'd be happy if I could spend all day & night with Brant. I can't wait until we don't have to say good-bye at night. I'm VERY excited for when I get to wake up and the first thing I see is Brant lying next to me. If I could be anywhere right now...I'd be there.

I'm Both Excited And Terrified To Be A Mom

This realization hit me today as a stray thought entered my mind. What if my birth control didn't work and I ended up getting knocked up on my honeymoon? What would I do? How would I feel?

I decided that I would probably cry. But then I'd be excited. Then stressed out. Then come to terms with it & do all I could do to be the best parent I can be.

Personally, I'm ready for a kid. Crazy I know. But I'm ready to have a little someone to look after. I'm ready to be a mom. I'm ready to stay at home taking care of a kid (or kids?). I see a baby and my first thought is "I want one!" Yes...I'm already getting a little baby hungry.

Plus I think Brant is going to be an awesome dad and I can't wait to watch him playing with our little boy or girl. It makes me smile just thinking that one day we'll have a family.

But then I think about the hard truths of my life. I need to keep working. Brant hasn't started school yet and that means that he has a long ways to go before he can be the bread winner in the family. But I also don't want to be a working mom. I want to be able to stay at home with my kids. This is where the stressing out part comes into play. Kids are expensive. Living is expensive. I just don't know how we'd be able to make it on Brant's part-time job. 

But as I was starting to stress about this non-existent baby of mine. I realized that I am currently doing all I can to prevent a pregnancy. And if by some act of God I do end up getting knocked up sooner than Brant & I plan, then it will be just that - an act of God. It will be on God's time table and He will help us through it. 

The End

Well, I guess that's all for today (HA!). I've almost taken up enough time to leave work. And I might just skip out of here early. You know...make up some excuse dealing with the wedding. It works every time. I'm hoping that tomorrow I get more work to do. Or it's going to be another LOOOONNNNGGGGG day. And I really don't like these days. I'd rather be busy than have nothing to do. So here's hoping!

You Need to Stick Up For Yourself

I've heard those words my ENTIRE life. If there is ONE thing that I'm horrible at (OK let's be honest, there are plenty of things that qualify for this...) it would be confrontation. When I get hurt by someone, I bottle those feelings all up inside. Keep them nice and hidden. Tied in a pretty little bow. Buried in a deep, dark hole.

OK...maybe that's not entirely true. I vent. I go to someone close (Brant, a friend, a sister, my mom, etc.) and just let out all my steam. But the person who has hurt me? Yeah...I never tell them what is wrong. They often know something is wrong (I might keep my feeling hidden, but not the emotion behind them). They will ask. I will lie ("Oh nothing's wrong...I'm fine. Honestly."). So I continue to be hurt with no room for restitution.

Now, tell me this...how is that fair to me?

It's not.

Therefore, people always telling me to stick up for myself.

So in the past year or so, I've made a conscious effort to try and tell people when I've been hurt. I've stuck up for myself when a friend or someone close to me has injured me.

What I've learned...

I've learned that people DO NOT like to be confronted and that all those people who have told me to stick up for myself kind of suck! I've gotten a lot of heartache from confronting those who have hurt me. I've learned that it's often easier & better in the end for the majority of the people involved if I just keep my mouth shut and don't say anything (I say majority because it seems better for everyone but ME). I've learned that I would rather be the one hurting than know that I hurt someone else that I care about by telling them how they have hurt me. I've learned that honesty hurts.

But I've also learned how great it feels to have the weight lifted from my shoulders by unburdening myself of those dark feelings. I've learned that now that I've confronted a few people it's easier to do it the next time. I've learned that when I say how I feel I am leaving it in the other person's hands as to how they react. I've learned that sometimes it's imperative that I put myself first. I've learned that true friends will understand why it's important for me to confront them & will be willing to work through it TOGETHER. But I've also learned that some will simply turn their backs and walk away. Those aren't true friends. I've learned that if I truly care about the person, I won't hide those feelings away from them. I will share them. They will accept them. We will move on.

It's getting to the moving on part that is hard though. Wish I were there now...

Engagements

My sister, Kacee, is such an amazing photographer. She took Brant & my engagement pictures. And I love them! They turned out great! It's making it really hard to decide what pictures to print. But here are some of my favorites.

Date Night

Last night Brant & I decided we needed to break up our routine of watching a movie/TV show at night by going out and having some fun. After work, we headed down to Nickle Mania for some arcade excitement. We played skeeball. We shot some hoops (but we weren't very good). We chanced our luck at those "big ticket Jackpot" games (again...we weren't very good). We raced motorcycles (Brant BARELY beat me). I hunted some deer. We jumped over the virtual jump rope. And Brant even tried his hand at soccer.

Sure, we won some tickets. Nothing like some of the people who were walking around with armfuls of those little yellow things. But it was OK. We were having fun.

But then we stumbled onto The Twister! It was one of those aim your nickle at a certain thing to win tickets games. But this one paid out BIG! It was awesome! We were good at it! We spent a good majority of our time there once it was discovered. Why would we move onto something else when we were making out like bandits?

After turning in all our tickets, we had 1,500! Wow! That's pretty good. OK...sure...it wasn't a good as SOME people who probably had well over 5,000. But for us...two amateur arcaders...it was pretty stinkin' awesome!

But then came the hard part. It was time to decide what to get for all those tickets. What cheap toy that we don't really need or want should we get? Well...we ended up deciding on two potato guns & Jolly Ranchers :)

I guess I know what our next date night activity will be... can you say potato gun fight?!?! Heck yes!

One month...

30 days...

742 hours...

44,571 minutes...

...until I become... 

KRISTY CARPENTER! 

If you can't tell I'm a tad bit excited :)