Boys Boys Boys

I've realized something has changed in me lately. I've become almost obsessed with boys. I've never been a boy crazy girl. Not even in high school. Yes, I've wanted to date and to one day find the man I'm going to marry. But lately, I feel like it's almost taking over my life.

And I don't like it!

I liked a couple of boys when I first moved back to Utah. One boy I dated for a couple of months, but it fizzled out and I haven't talked to him for a while. The other boy I liked for a longer time. We never dated, but we hung out all the time - and we still do. We've become friends, but the interest has faded (for the most part). He's a great guy and to be honest, if he asked me out I would definitely say yes. But for now he's moved into the friend box.

But now that I'm not interested in anyone I feel like I should be. Like I said earlier, I've never been like that before. Yes, sometimes I had the errant thought of "I wish I liked someone" but I feel like that's almost a daily thing I say lately. I feel almost guilty that I don't like anyone and every guy I see I think to myself "could I be interested in him? should he be the one I like?"

Again...I don't like it!

I feel like I'm putting so much pressure on me to find someone to date. It's not fair to myself!

I don't know why I'm putting this pressure on me either. It's not like I'm the type of person to really struggle with falling for someone. I usually am one to fall pretty fast (and hard). But sometimes it takes a while between my interests - which I'm usually ok with.

So...I'm going to try to be more like how I used to be. I like that more relaxed person I once was (well...more relaxed when it comes to boys). Maybe it's because I was just so dang busy with other things that I've never really been able to dwell on boys as much (dance, singing, school, work, etc.).

How am I going to do that? Well I'm going to stop worrying about the fact that I'm NOT interested in anyone at this time. I'm going to not seek out someone to like. I'm going to focus on becoming better friends with the guys (and girls) I already know, as well as meeting new people for the sole purpose of becoming friends.

Don't get me wrong...if I do start liking someone I'm not going to NOT like them because of this new focus of mine. I'm just so sick of the fact that I'm not interested in anyone being at the forefront of my mind, I need to focus on other things. I know it's not going to be as easy at it may seem (what with friends and family constantly bombarding me with the questions of if I'm dating someone or who I'm liking nowadays). But I'm going to do my best :)