Life's Questions

Should I feel embarrassed renting "Another Cinderella Story" and "Picture This" at one time while I have "High School Musical 3" in my purse?

Today I saw green stuff on trees - does this mean Spring might actually be coming?

Second night in a row I dreamed about doing tax returns. Should I charge my sleep time to my clients?

I applaud the world for cutting down on energy. But why should I have to work in the dark for one hour tonight?

Why does Easter candy taste so much better than the regular stuff? And why can't I seem to say no to it?

Why, instead of doing my work so I could possible get out of here at a decent hour tonight, am I blogging?

So many questions...so little answers.

Giving Thanks

After my vent session last night, I wanted to give a shout out to what I'm grateful for today.

I'm grateful for (in order of appearance):
1 - Church for bringing the spirit back in my life
2 - The Notebook for giving me an outlet for my tears
3 - Cake batter, Easy Mac, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups to keep me company during The Notebook
4 - Food Network channel
5 - Mom calling to see how my day was going
6 - Jo cooking me dinner and being a great friend
7 - DVR for allowing me not to miss Ace of Cakes
8 - A start of a new week which will hopefully be better than the last

Venting

First I must apologize. I feel like I have been so negative in my posting lately. The past few weeks have been hard, granted, but I'm really not an angry person (all the time). But with that said...I need to vent. I'm not writing this post so that people will say "oh, poor Kristy". I'm not writing this for anyone but me. I have to get this off my chest before it festers and I end up hitting someone. So here it goes...

*Warning: don't read if you're in a good mood...you might not be anymore*

Today I had to work. Fine. It's busy season, I get that. I went in early so that I would be able to attend a ward activity tonight. I was at the office by 10:30 (which is like 7 am for a weekend). I had a lot on my plate that had to get done so I wasn't totally planning on making it out by 7 pm though I was going to try. But here is why I was so busy. Yesterday a client sent us their information to do their tax return and my senior expected me to complete it today. That's right...one day turn-around. And unless you've done a partnership return you won't understand the magnitude of this next statement, but the partnership had over 100 partners that I needed to do K-1's for. Basically it was totally unreasonable for him to expect me to get all this done in one day. Not to mention all the other client work that I had to do for my other clients. I had already pushed off work for one client to do a return for another demanding client, and I was once again forced to do it again today. However, that was unacceptable to my superiors. Anyway...at around 9 pm - after finishing the return for idiot client - I checked in with one of my seniors saying that I hadn't gotten to one particular assignment (the last thing on my to do list for the day - so proud of myself) and I asked her if it was ok if I finished them up on Monday (even though I had promised her that they would be done yesterday and at the latest today so that she could review them). But she said that she was planning on looking at the work on Monday and since I don't work on Sundays (I don't care how much pressure work puts on me I refuse to work on Sundays. If Jewish people get Saturdays off, I get my Sundays) I needed to finish up that work tonight. Fine. Whatever. I had promised to get them done and because of stupid clients that are completely ridiculous and demanding, I had to move things around, but I had to stick to my promise. I'm actually not upset with that senior. I like her. She's super nice and great to work for. I'm just pissed off at my other senior...you'll see why soon. So I got to work on that assignment hoping to get out around midnight. But that was not going to happen. My senior (the one who gave me the assignment to get all the work done in one day) called me at 11 to give me corrections that he wanted done before 10 am on Monday. But he made sure that I knew that I should not put it off until Monday morning. And yes - he's Jewish so he has been MIA since sundown yesterday. He knows that I don't work on Sundays and he said that he "respected" that - my butt. And that if I could get most of the stuff done we could have this totally incompetent intern do the other changes. OK - I was an intern once. I did not know everything. I made mistakes. But this intern is crazy bad. She completely messed up my friend's return and my friend had to spend hours and hours re-doing everything. So no...I was not going to let her touch my work that I did. And I told my senior this. I said I did not trust her and so I would do the work myself. I made sure that he knew that he was forcing me to work all freaking night to do his work. I'm sorry - that's completely unacceptable that he would call me at 11 pm to give me work!!! Oh - and he kept me on the phone for over 20 minutes telling me these corrections. He basically reviewed my work while I was on the phone with him. And yes - I was being very short with him and he had to know that I wanted to jump through the phone and strangle him. I'm usually very respectful to my superiors. But I was a jerk to him and I don't care. Oh - so anyway...I did the work that he wanted me to do. I finished that up around 1 am. What a great time to start on other work don't you think? Yeah - me neither. So let's just say that no I did not finish all the work that I had to do. At 1:30 I was too pissed off and tired to give a crap about the work that I was doing and whether they would be mad at me come Monday for not getting everything done. Heck - I don't even know what I was doing in the first place, so I figure that all the things that I haven't done yet will just be added to the long list of corrections I need to make. Oh well. I don't' care. I don't care if they fire me. I don't care if my manager is pissed of at me and I don't get promoted. Actually, I hope that I don't get promoted. I couldn't handle more stress than what is already on my plate right now. Plus I don't expect to be working at PwC for much longer. Who would want to work at a place where you are given a new assignment to complete that night at 11 pm ON A SATURDAY!!! Who do these people think they are? ARGH!!! (apparently I'm turning into a pirate in all my rage). And yes - it's busy season. But it's March. If it were April 14th it would be a different story. Why does this stupid client need to have their stuff done now? Because they are freaking ridiculous and unreasonable. I was the only one on my entire floor (CREEPY!!!) and most likely the whole building. No one that I worked for was online - they hadn't been for hours. Even my Jewish senior didn't feel like it was necessary to work late even though he was demanding the life be sucked out of me for him. I really don't like him right now. Honestly I have quite a bit of hate in me right now. That's why I had to write this post. I had to get it out so that it didn't fester. Yes - it's helped a bit (even though I'm still raging and could go on much much longer about all the things I hate about working at my company - but I won't). Honestly, if this had happened on another day or when I wasn't already completely bugged with my senior, today wouldn't have been quite as bad. But it happened today. And apparently I couldn't handle it. Oh - and it didn't help that all I've eaten today is an omelet and fries for lunch and mini Cadbury eggs and Dr. Pepper for dinner. And I'm tired as all get out. But I couldn't sleep with all this rage building up inside me. So there you have it...I'll end my venting session now.

Again - I'm sorry for this post. I hope that it hasn't made you think any worse of me. No I'm not perfect (surprise surprise). And honestly I hope that no one actually read the whole thing - if you did I truly am sorry. And I'm sorry if my awful mood has rubbed off on you. And Mom - I'm really sorry for ruining your night with Dad. But thanks for letting me call and vent to you and making me check back in every so often to get an update on my status. And thanks for your prayers. Though I'm pretty sure I drove the spirit far away from me with all this hate I have, I'm sure you're prayers helped me not kill anyone. If only I could be watching a movie with you while you rubbed my feet - that's all I need right now. I need my Mom! I need a hug! I need to find another job that I actually like.

Today...

I almost lost it.

I yelled.

I almost cried.

I said choice words.

I almost threw my computer in the garbage (literally).

I slammed the phone down (on the voice telling me I was caller 8).

Then I remembered I get to go to the Britney Spears concert tonight with a good friend and can leave work early.

Still in a foul mood...but the future is looking brighter.

A blessing and a curse...

it's 1 a.m. i just got home from work and i'm not tired at all...

blessing: i can work the late hours that busy season demands

curse: i won't fall asleep until after 2 and will struggle getting up in the morning (i've come to find out i'm not a morning person)

Spring Cleaning

Warm, sunny weather often triggers a spring cleaning. Getting rid of junk lying around the house. Working off those few extra pounds trying to get ready for swim suit season (scary!!). Going through drawers and closets to get rid of out-of-style clothes. Etc, etc. My spring cleaning is coming as a different variety this year. Yes, I am still planning on going through my stuff to clear out the clutter, but that will come after busy season (April 15 can't come quickly enough). Right now I'm spring cleaning out the "junk" in my life.

This weekend in NY was BEAUTIFUL!! 64 degrees!! After snow earlier in the week and being bitter cold, this warm weather felt like Heaven, and I tried to take advantage of it. Saturday night, after being out with friends, I decided to walk the 3 miles home from Port Authority (this decision was made for me as I watched the bus pull away while I was crossing the street).

I was grateful for this time that I had alone to just enjoy the wonderful weather and think. During this hour walk home I thought about life and what I was doing with it and where I wanted to be. The outcome: I don't want to do what I'm doing right now for the rest of my life. Work is OK for now, but I have NO passion for it. I do taxes for hedge funds and I've learned that I don't give a rat's tail about the financial industry. And I decided that I want to do something that I LOVE.

OK...I know that might be asking a lot out of a job - there are a lot of people out there who stick with a job they don't really like for 30+ years because it pays the bills, etc. But I'm young and I don't want to live that kind of life.

So you may be wondering what I would like to do. Well, honestly, someday I dream of being a stay at home mom with a family to take care of. I might have a job on the side of teaching dance or teaching a high school accounting class. Or maybe learning a new hobby. The possibilities are endless in my mind. (As I side note, there was a time not too long ago that the idea of being a stay at home was NOT what I wanted and that I planned on hiring a nanny and working full time when I had kids.)

But I've got to be realistic and can't plan my life around the mysterious Mr. Right. So what's my plan? I don't know. I know I will be in NY for at least another year, and possibly longer. Hopefully the economy turns around and places will start hiring again, so I don't feel pigeon-holed at my job. I might look for a teaching opportunity at a high school teaching basic accounting. Maybe I'll apply to a boutique in SOHO to take care of their books. Maybe I'll move out to CA and teach surf lessons (I've actually never surfed in my life - but I can learn). Maybe I'll move home and become a baby-sitter for my darling nieces and nephews (even though all my sisters and sisters-in-law are WONDERFUL mothers and I would probably just get in the way). Maybe I'll follow my dreams of performing and join the circus.

In others words... I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I WANT TO DO! But that's OK. I actually feel really great after my "soul searching" walk home. I de-cluttered my thoughts on my life. It might seem like I haven't since I have no actual plan, but I know now that I don't always have to have a plan and that I'm not stuck here and I have plenty of options. And while I would LOVE to be married right now and start that chapter of my life, I'm grateful that I'm single and that I can try out different paths and if I fail I only have me to worry about. Plus I know I can move home if ever I lose everything (which I'm VERY grateful for).

And while I'm on the topic of things I'm grateful for, I feel like I need to list a few others:
1- church leaders who are inspired to speak about this exact topic in Ward conference today
2- a great friend who I can talk about this with and who I feel is kind of an extension of myself
3- parents who I know love me and will support me in whatever crazy, hair-brained idea I finally end up pursuing
4- having an education that allows me to enter into other lines of work
5- a Heavenly Father who will guide me on this crazy journey that we call life

Speed Dating

That's right...SPEED DATING. No - it's not dating while you're on speed (Mr. Spikol) (even though I did feel like it at times). It is going on many short dates in one night and in one place (last night it just happened to be at my church). Let me explain.

I am the co-chair of the activities committee in my YSA ward. We held a speed dating activity for the stake last night at my church. There was a lot of time and effort put into this by my committee and I and I'm very grateful that it is over!! There were over 200 young single adults who attended this activity (some even coming from CT and NJ). Let's just say it was a mad house! I could bore you with lots of details of how it all worked, but I'm not going to (you can thank me later).

I had a great experience last night. It was a lot of fun and I met quite a few really cool guys (well as much as I could tell after a 3 minute conversation). But there was one experience that deserves to be shared.

I met this guy (we'll call him Tony) who came down from upstate NY to attend this activity. During our brief 3 min conversation, I thought that it might be okay to possibly go on a real date with this guy - no physical attraction, but he seemed fun enough to get to know better. So I marked "yes" on my ballot. However, at the end of the night (after I had turned in my ballot) I realized how wrong I had been. Tony ended up being quite creepy and a little stockerish towards me.

He came up to my friends and I after the activity so I invited him to join in the conversation. After talking with me for not too much longer - he poked me in the side (you know like you did in high school to flirt with someone). This is when I realized that I should have probably said "no." But it got worse. I won't go into all the details, but let's just say that when I told my friends what had happened they advised me to find my ballot and change my answer immediately. So I did...well...I tried to.

Seeing as I was one of the organizers of the activity, I had access to the ballots. I began to search for mine so I could change my answer. Jo had turned mine in with hers and Elyse's all folded together as one. Both Jo's and Elyse's were in the box; however, mine was no where to be found. I went through each ballot 3 times and 2 other people went through them as well. But it wasn't there. We never found my ballot and I'm a little scared that Tony stole it.

Luckily Jo and I were sitting next to each other so we met all the same guys. And since we had already discussed which ones we said yes to and realized that they were basically the same - I just copied hers (with minor adjustments). So don't worry - I can still get dates out this activity - just not with Tony (thank goodness!!).

Well...the activity was a great success and everyone seemed to really enjoy it. There has even been talk of making it an annual event. I'm sooo grateful that it went well. And who knows...maybe I met my EC last night. You have to admit it'd be a pretty wild story to tell my kids.