I've heard those words my ENTIRE life. If there is ONE thing that I'm horrible at (OK let's be honest, there are plenty of things that qualify for this...) it would be confrontation. When I get hurt by someone, I bottle those feelings all up inside. Keep them nice and hidden. Tied in a pretty little bow. Buried in a deep, dark hole.
OK...maybe that's not entirely true. I vent. I go to someone close (Brant, a friend, a sister, my mom, etc.) and just let out all my steam. But the person who has hurt me? Yeah...I never tell them what is wrong. They often know something is wrong (I might keep my feeling hidden, but not the emotion behind them). They will ask. I will lie ("Oh nothing's wrong...I'm fine. Honestly."). So I continue to be hurt with no room for restitution.
Now, tell me this...how is that fair to me?
It's not.
Therefore, people always telling me to stick up for myself.
So in the past year or so, I've made a conscious effort to try and tell people when I've been hurt. I've stuck up for myself when a friend or someone close to me has injured me.
What I've learned...
I've learned that people DO NOT like to be confronted and that all those people who have told me to stick up for myself kind of suck! I've gotten a lot of heartache from confronting those who have hurt me. I've learned that it's often easier & better in the end for the majority of the people involved if I just keep my mouth shut and don't say anything (I say majority because it seems better for everyone but ME). I've learned that I would rather be the one hurting than know that I hurt someone else that I care about by telling them how they have hurt me. I've learned that honesty hurts.
But I've also learned how great it feels to have the weight lifted from my shoulders by unburdening myself of those dark feelings. I've learned that now that I've confronted a few people it's easier to do it the next time. I've learned that when I say how I feel I am leaving it in the other person's hands as to how they react. I've learned that sometimes it's imperative that I put myself first. I've learned that true friends will understand why it's important for me to confront them & will be willing to work through it TOGETHER. But I've also learned that some will simply turn their backs and walk away. Those aren't true friends. I've learned that if I truly care about the person, I won't hide those feelings away from them. I will share them. They will accept them. We will move on.
It's getting to the moving on part that is hard though. Wish I were there now...
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Engagements
My sister, Kacee, is such an amazing photographer. She took Brant & my engagement pictures. And I love them! They turned out great! It's making it really hard to decide what pictures to print. But here are some of my favorites.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Date Night
Last night Brant & I decided we needed to break up our routine of watching a movie/TV show at night by going out and having some fun. After work, we headed down to Nickle Mania for some arcade excitement. We played skeeball. We shot some hoops (but we weren't very good). We chanced our luck at those "big ticket Jackpot" games (again...we weren't very good). We raced motorcycles (Brant BARELY beat me). I hunted some deer. We jumped over the virtual jump rope. And Brant even tried his hand at soccer.
Sure, we won some tickets. Nothing like some of the people who were walking around with armfuls of those little yellow things. But it was OK. We were having fun.
But then we stumbled onto The Twister! It was one of those aim your nickle at a certain thing to win tickets games. But this one paid out BIG! It was awesome! We were good at it! We spent a good majority of our time there once it was discovered. Why would we move onto something else when we were making out like bandits?
After turning in all our tickets, we had 1,500! Wow! That's pretty good. OK...sure...it wasn't a good as SOME people who probably had well over 5,000. But for us...two amateur arcaders...it was pretty stinkin' awesome!
But then came the hard part. It was time to decide what to get for all those tickets. What cheap toy that we don't really need or want should we get? Well...we ended up deciding on two potato guns & Jolly Ranchers :)
I guess I know what our next date night activity will be... can you say potato gun fight?!?! Heck yes!
Sure, we won some tickets. Nothing like some of the people who were walking around with armfuls of those little yellow things. But it was OK. We were having fun.
But then we stumbled onto The Twister! It was one of those aim your nickle at a certain thing to win tickets games. But this one paid out BIG! It was awesome! We were good at it! We spent a good majority of our time there once it was discovered. Why would we move onto something else when we were making out like bandits?
But then came the hard part. It was time to decide what to get for all those tickets. What cheap toy that we don't really need or want should we get? Well...we ended up deciding on two potato guns & Jolly Ranchers :)
I guess I know what our next date night activity will be... can you say potato gun fight?!?! Heck yes!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
200th Post - Where are you Christmas?
Yes folks, that's right. I've hit the 200th post landmark in my blogging journey. Sure, some of you may be thinking "only 200? I'm on post 9,672. 200 is pathetic." But I don't care. It's still my landmark, so I'm going to celebrate it :). So to celebrate, I'm going to list out 200 amazing facts about myself
HAHA JUST KIDDING!! Talk about a LONG & BORING post!
In all reality, I wanted my 200th post to be something special. But honestly, I just want to write a blog post right now and the only thing I can think of is how different this Christmas is for me. So...I'm giving up the idea of an epic 200th post and writing about what is on my mind. So here you go...
I don't know what it is, but it seems that each year the Christmas season seems less like Christmas than the year before. And this year is no different. Seriously. I can't put my finger on why I don't feel like it's Christmas (IN 4 DAYS!). I feel like I should go around everywhere singing the Faith Hill song "Where Are You Christmas?" because it kind of is exactly how I feel. Minus the ending when she realizes that Christmas has always been there & the world is right again because she feels the spirit of Christmas in her life. I'm still waiting for that.
~ Maybe it's my lack of desire to listen to Christmas music (which is a novelty for me). Honestly, when a Christmas song comes on the radio, I cringe & change the station. Except if it's Justin Bieber Mistletoe. LOVE THAT SONG!
~ Maybe it's because we celebrated Christmas in July so I don't really have any Christmas gifts to buy (only the 1 for Brant & that was purchased on Black Friday).
~ Maybe it's because my parents are a million miles away and the thought that I'm going to wake up to an empty house on Christmas Day makes me cry so I don't think about it. EVER. Except for now...and yes...I'm starting to cry.
~ Maybe it's because I have A MILLION other things on my mind besides Christmas. (Mainly surrounding my wedding and trying to get that all planned, while working overtime trying to finish charitable organization tax returns before the real busy season starts.)
~ Maybe it's because I don't have little kids around me all excited about what Santa is going to bring them.
~ Maybe it's because there is NO snow anywhere in the state of Utah. OK...that's probably an exaggeration. I'm sure there is snow some places in Utah. But not much. And not anywhere I am.
~ Maybe it's because I no longer get a long break for Christmas. One where I get to leave my current place of residence behind & come home for the holidays. Now I just stay where I am. Talk about boring.
Whatever the reason may be...I just don't feel like it's Christmas. I have no Christmas cheer. It seems like just another week this week. It seems like this weekend is just another weekend. Except it's a long one (yay!!). But who knows. Maybe my life will end up like that Faith Hill song & I will be reacquainted with Christmas at the last moment & this will end up being one of the best Christmases so far in my life.
Here's hoping!
HAHA JUST KIDDING!! Talk about a LONG & BORING post!
In all reality, I wanted my 200th post to be something special. But honestly, I just want to write a blog post right now and the only thing I can think of is how different this Christmas is for me. So...I'm giving up the idea of an epic 200th post and writing about what is on my mind. So here you go...
I don't know what it is, but it seems that each year the Christmas season seems less like Christmas than the year before. And this year is no different. Seriously. I can't put my finger on why I don't feel like it's Christmas (IN 4 DAYS!). I feel like I should go around everywhere singing the Faith Hill song "Where Are You Christmas?" because it kind of is exactly how I feel. Minus the ending when she realizes that Christmas has always been there & the world is right again because she feels the spirit of Christmas in her life. I'm still waiting for that.
~ Maybe it's my lack of desire to listen to Christmas music (which is a novelty for me). Honestly, when a Christmas song comes on the radio, I cringe & change the station. Except if it's Justin Bieber Mistletoe. LOVE THAT SONG!
~ Maybe it's because we celebrated Christmas in July so I don't really have any Christmas gifts to buy (only the 1 for Brant & that was purchased on Black Friday).
~ Maybe it's because my parents are a million miles away and the thought that I'm going to wake up to an empty house on Christmas Day makes me cry so I don't think about it. EVER. Except for now...and yes...I'm starting to cry.
~ Maybe it's because I have A MILLION other things on my mind besides Christmas. (Mainly surrounding my wedding and trying to get that all planned, while working overtime trying to finish charitable organization tax returns before the real busy season starts.)
~ Maybe it's because I don't have little kids around me all excited about what Santa is going to bring them.
~ Maybe it's because there is NO snow anywhere in the state of Utah. OK...that's probably an exaggeration. I'm sure there is snow some places in Utah. But not much. And not anywhere I am.
~ Maybe it's because I no longer get a long break for Christmas. One where I get to leave my current place of residence behind & come home for the holidays. Now I just stay where I am. Talk about boring.
Whatever the reason may be...I just don't feel like it's Christmas. I have no Christmas cheer. It seems like just another week this week. It seems like this weekend is just another weekend. Except it's a long one (yay!!). But who knows. Maybe my life will end up like that Faith Hill song & I will be reacquainted with Christmas at the last moment & this will end up being one of the best Christmases so far in my life.
Here's hoping!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
He Gets Me
This morning at 7am, not knowing if Brant was awake or not, I sent him the following text message:
"If the person you look up to the most in your life told you he didn't think we were a good match, would you still love me and want to marry me?"
You see, I had just had a horrible dream. I dreamt that Brant & I had been arguing and I left to go out of town with some friends right after. I called him that night to make sure things were good between us, but he told me that he wasn't doing very well. He said how someone (I never found out who it was) told him we weren't a good match and that it made him re-think getting married to me. Obviously I started crying & freaking out - the man I love was breaking up with me - over the phone no less! He wouldn't say much else, no matter how much I pressed him for more answers. It was terrible! Needless to say, I woke up crying and feeling like my real life was crashing down as well.
Side-note: my dreams have a tendency of being very realistic & messing with my head. They stick with me for a long time. It's hard for me to shake the feelings I get from certain dreams. This is one that I know will stick with me for a while.
The only good thing that came from this dream is when I explained why I asked that question, Brant didn't laugh and say how silly I am for letting a dream upset me that much. He just said "No chance of me leaving you, girl. I love you Kristy Carpenter."
Yep! Brant gets me. Just one more reason I love him.
"If the person you look up to the most in your life told you he didn't think we were a good match, would you still love me and want to marry me?"
You see, I had just had a horrible dream. I dreamt that Brant & I had been arguing and I left to go out of town with some friends right after. I called him that night to make sure things were good between us, but he told me that he wasn't doing very well. He said how someone (I never found out who it was) told him we weren't a good match and that it made him re-think getting married to me. Obviously I started crying & freaking out - the man I love was breaking up with me - over the phone no less! He wouldn't say much else, no matter how much I pressed him for more answers. It was terrible! Needless to say, I woke up crying and feeling like my real life was crashing down as well.
Side-note: my dreams have a tendency of being very realistic & messing with my head. They stick with me for a long time. It's hard for me to shake the feelings I get from certain dreams. This is one that I know will stick with me for a while.
The only good thing that came from this dream is when I explained why I asked that question, Brant didn't laugh and say how silly I am for letting a dream upset me that much. He just said "No chance of me leaving you, girl. I love you Kristy Carpenter."
Yep! Brant gets me. Just one more reason I love him.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Wifely Instincts
So you know how yesterday I mentioned that Brant was sick (that's if anyone actually read that super random post)? Well I'm a little bitter about it.
That sounds wierd. Let me explain...
I'm not bitter that he's sick. I'm bitter that I'm not the one taking care of him. His mom & dad are the ones taking care of him. The most I have done is text him throughout the day to see how he's doing & then I go down to his house for a couple of hours to watch TV/a movie with him. And he won't let me do anything for him other than maybe give him a back or a foot massage. Ugh!
In the mean time, his mom is there to try to get him to eat food, personally go in and check on him every so often, wait on him hand and foot & get him anything he wants. That may not sound so great to a lot of you... but it's what I like to do for those I love when they are sick (I'm going to be such a great mom! I'm going to baby those kids when they are sick and they will love me forever for it!) And I don't know if his mom is actually babying him like I would be. But it makes me feel better (or worse?) to think that she is.
Anyway... these "wifely instincts", as I'm calling them, really kicked in today when April (Brant's mom) text me saying they were going to take him into the ER (thanks to every doctor's office in Davis County being closed due to power outages from this 70 MPH wind). But then she mentioned how they didn't have a {working} car so she wasn't sure how they were going to make it happen. Obviously I jumped on that grenade and said I could come home during lunch and take them. Yay! A way I could fulfill my wifely duties (ok...so I'm not his wife yet, but that's just semantics).
Well...I just got a text from Brant saying how I didn't need to come by at lunch anymore because his dad (grrrr) is going to take him (he got back early from work I guess...). UGH! Really?!?! All I want is to be able to help him out when he's not feeling well & to take care of my baby. But I keep getting thwarted at every turn.
I know some day I might do anything I can to get out of having to take care of a sick husband and/or child. But for now? I'm going to be bitter that I can't.
That sounds wierd. Let me explain...
I'm not bitter that he's sick. I'm bitter that I'm not the one taking care of him. His mom & dad are the ones taking care of him. The most I have done is text him throughout the day to see how he's doing & then I go down to his house for a couple of hours to watch TV/a movie with him. And he won't let me do anything for him other than maybe give him a back or a foot massage. Ugh!
In the mean time, his mom is there to try to get him to eat food, personally go in and check on him every so often, wait on him hand and foot & get him anything he wants. That may not sound so great to a lot of you... but it's what I like to do for those I love when they are sick (I'm going to be such a great mom! I'm going to baby those kids when they are sick and they will love me forever for it!) And I don't know if his mom is actually babying him like I would be. But it makes me feel better (or worse?) to think that she is.
Anyway... these "wifely instincts", as I'm calling them, really kicked in today when April (Brant's mom) text me saying they were going to take him into the ER (thanks to every doctor's office in Davis County being closed due to power outages from this 70 MPH wind). But then she mentioned how they didn't have a {working} car so she wasn't sure how they were going to make it happen. Obviously I jumped on that grenade and said I could come home during lunch and take them. Yay! A way I could fulfill my wifely duties (ok...so I'm not his wife yet, but that's just semantics).
Well...I just got a text from Brant saying how I didn't need to come by at lunch anymore because his dad (grrrr) is going to take him (he got back early from work I guess...). UGH! Really?!?! All I want is to be able to help him out when he's not feeling well & to take care of my baby. But I keep getting thwarted at every turn.
I know some day I might do anything I can to get out of having to take care of a sick husband and/or child. But for now? I'm going to be bitter that I can't.
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