Today is one of those days at work where I just can't get myself to focus. I am sitting at my desk with a return in front of me all ready to be prepared and yet I'm blogging. And to make things worse, I've been on facebook much more than I should already today, and I've also spent over an hour catching up on my friends' blogs. And it's only 11 am! Today is going to be a long day I can already tell. And if this keeps up, I'll be coming in on Friday to make up for all this time I've wasted. Ugh! Why can't I just get myself to do my work? I'm blaming the sunshine because I just want to be outside basking in it.
I told myself that my next blog post was going to include pictures from the past two weekends, but all those pictures are on my computer at home...so you'll just have to wait a little longer for those (or go on facebook because they are all there). So instead of posting pictures and telling you all about the fun I've been having, I'm going to write about what's on my mind right now: dating (yep - I'm sitting at work thinking about dating haha).
No, I'm not dating anyone (sadly). Yes, I would like to be dating someone (sadly). But that's not really what this post is about. Ok...it kind of is...but not entirely...I think...
Cue random thoughts that I don't know how to string together and have no idea what's actually going to come out or where this post is going to end up:
The other day, my family was talking about this couple who just got a divorce and how the guy already had a girlfriend. My first thought: he had an affair. Not correct. He actually met her after they had split (not very long ago ps). My second thought: how is it that a guy can go from married to divorced to dating someone in such a short amount of time when I can't manage to go from single to dating someone in years (yes - confession...it's been years since I've dated anyone).
Move to last night. A friend and I were talking about how we can't wait to move out of our parents' houses and she told me that she'll probably be ok because by the fall she's sure she'll be dating a lot and therefore not really at home. Man I wish I could be that confident about my dating life.
Cut to my life. When I first moved to Utah I started dating a boy that I was really into, but then I think we both just lost interest. It didn't help that he wouldn't make a move and that by our 7th or 8th date I realized every date we had been on was basically the same. (PS - the thing that has me confused over the whole situation is why would he keep asking me out if he didn't like me - but if he did like me, why didn't he ever make a move? Ugh!) So I haven't been out with him for a little while now. We still talk every once in a while, but just as friends. But sadly, that's been the extent of my dating since I've moved back.
Now I'm not saying that there hasn't been interest in other boys since I've been home. It's just they aren't asking me out on dates. I've never been one of those girls who has dated a lot. I have friends and sisters that have never gone more than a few weeks without dating someone. I envy them. I would like to date more than I do. I would like to find someone that I can count on to be there through anything - and not as just friends. I would LOVE to get out of this stupid dating game that we have to play. I want to feel loved and needed and adored and all those other things that come with being in a relationship. It'd be nice to not have my nieces ask me when I was finally going to get married - if ever. It'd be nice to not have to wonder that myself.
I don't want you to get the wrong picture here though. I am enjoying my time with my new friends a lot! I'm having a great time. I'm not desperate in my search for love - I'm just saying it'd be nice. I'm actually really grateful that I didn't get married while in college - look at all I've been able to do! Stop - I'm not talking about marriage right now - I'm just talking about dating.
I wish dating were easier. I wish that you didn't have to mask how you were feeling about someone until you knew how they felt about you. Why can't life be like the song Check Yes or No? How much easier would it be if we could just walk up to someone we like and say "I like you. Do you like me? We should date." and be done with it? Remember how easy it was in Jr. High? Sometimes you'd even get together in a note. It was so much less complicated then. If life were like Jr. High then I might even use this blog post to tell a certain someone "I like you." But it's not like Jr. High. The stakes are higher now. Dating someone when you're 26 is a lot different than "going out" when you're 14.
But maybe it doesn't need to be complicated. Is it really that big of a deal if you tell someone you like them and they tell you they just want to be friends? Wouldn't the chance that they say "I like you too" be worth that risk of showing how you feel? It gets a little more complicated when you're already friends, but is love worth the risk of a few awkward friendships? I think it probably is.
The problem is every time we hear "I just want to be friends" is another little notch cut out of our heart. And each little notch hurts just that much more. I think that's what people (including myself) are really scared of. It's not the fear of ruining a friendship or having things be awkward at church, it's the fear of having another little piece of our heart removed.
Maybe I need to start being a bigger risk taker - start putting my heart more on the line. Maybe I need to get over my insecurities. Maybe I just need to trust more in the Lord and not try to put things on my time table.
Maybe I should get back to work now that it's 2:00 and I've only done an hour of work...
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Life Out of the Fast Lane
Hi! My name is Kristy and I like to speed.
There. I said it. I speed. Whew! I feel so much better now that I've confessed.
No seriously - if there is one thing my driving is known for it's for speed. My average MPH is the posted limit +10 (+15 or +20 on the highway). I also don't like to have anyone ahead of me when I'm driving. I don't like others to determine the pace that I go. I like to be at the front of the line - to be "the leader of the pack" so to speak. I've been like this since I started driving. In fact - the only thing I got marked down for on my driver's test was for speeding (I told Phil it was because there was a fire at McDonald's but he still deducted a point).
The bad thing about speeding (besides being dangerous and getting pulled over) is that it usually puts me in a pretty awful mood. Well...ok...the speeding doesn't actually do that - it's the cars who aren't speeding that aggravate me. I have been known to say a few choice words to cars who choose to go the marked speed limit or under. I have also been known to come home in a total grumpy mood after being behind one of those cars. Honestly, I've let that one small thing ruin my entire day. I admit it - I have road rage sometimes.
Have I turned you off from being my friend yet?
Well...today I had a little different experience. On my way to work, I decided I wasn't in that big of a hurry seeing as I left 30 minutes earlier than I normally do. So I took my time getting to work. Don't get me wrong - I still went 10 over the speed limit on the freeway...but that's a big step down from 20 over. But I didn't care when the car ahead of me went slow. I just slowed down my pace to match his. I didn't once get frustrated with some idiotic driver who needed to pull his head out his you-know-where and I also let a few cars squeeze in ahead of me when I knew they needed to get over instead of speeding up so that I was in front.
It was a strange morning.
But then on the way home, I was in the same mood. I actually stayed in the middle lane almost the ENTIRE way home. It was crazy! I didn't get frustrated at the traffic I ran into between SLC and Bountiful. I didn't care that I had to slow down to get into the next lane so that I could exit. And when I saw that cop ahead of me, I didn't have to slam on the breaks so that he wouldn't catch me speeding.
And guess what...I came home happy! I'm super tired and want to go to bed even though it's only 6:30...but I'm happy nonetheless.
I don't know why I was in such a complacent mood today, but I hope it lasts (is complacent the right word choice here? I don't know...). It might be due to the fact that I'm pretty tired today. Or maybe it's because I went to the gym this morning -we all know that "exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." But whatever the reason may be, I'll take it!
So, I'm going to try a little experiment this week and see if living outside of the fast lane really does make a difference on my day. I'll keep you posted.
There. I said it. I speed. Whew! I feel so much better now that I've confessed.
No seriously - if there is one thing my driving is known for it's for speed. My average MPH is the posted limit +10 (+15 or +20 on the highway). I also don't like to have anyone ahead of me when I'm driving. I don't like others to determine the pace that I go. I like to be at the front of the line - to be "the leader of the pack" so to speak. I've been like this since I started driving. In fact - the only thing I got marked down for on my driver's test was for speeding (I told Phil it was because there was a fire at McDonald's but he still deducted a point).
The bad thing about speeding (besides being dangerous and getting pulled over) is that it usually puts me in a pretty awful mood. Well...ok...the speeding doesn't actually do that - it's the cars who aren't speeding that aggravate me. I have been known to say a few choice words to cars who choose to go the marked speed limit or under. I have also been known to come home in a total grumpy mood after being behind one of those cars. Honestly, I've let that one small thing ruin my entire day. I admit it - I have road rage sometimes.
Have I turned you off from being my friend yet?
Well...today I had a little different experience. On my way to work, I decided I wasn't in that big of a hurry seeing as I left 30 minutes earlier than I normally do. So I took my time getting to work. Don't get me wrong - I still went 10 over the speed limit on the freeway...but that's a big step down from 20 over. But I didn't care when the car ahead of me went slow. I just slowed down my pace to match his. I didn't once get frustrated with some idiotic driver who needed to pull his head out his you-know-where and I also let a few cars squeeze in ahead of me when I knew they needed to get over instead of speeding up so that I was in front.
It was a strange morning.
But then on the way home, I was in the same mood. I actually stayed in the middle lane almost the ENTIRE way home. It was crazy! I didn't get frustrated at the traffic I ran into between SLC and Bountiful. I didn't care that I had to slow down to get into the next lane so that I could exit. And when I saw that cop ahead of me, I didn't have to slam on the breaks so that he wouldn't catch me speeding.
And guess what...I came home happy! I'm super tired and want to go to bed even though it's only 6:30...but I'm happy nonetheless.
I don't know why I was in such a complacent mood today, but I hope it lasts (is complacent the right word choice here? I don't know...). It might be due to the fact that I'm pretty tired today. Or maybe it's because I went to the gym this morning -we all know that "exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." But whatever the reason may be, I'll take it!
So, I'm going to try a little experiment this week and see if living outside of the fast lane really does make a difference on my day. I'll keep you posted.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Do You Remember
...playing My Little Ponies and dolls and being called the Three Musketeers?
...your mom telling the neighbor boy that his nose wouldn't bleed so much if he would just stop picking it?
...playing house on my trampoline and pretending we were orphans, but that all the leaves were money?
...all of our family road trips in the bronco and then in the van?
...racing to the bus stop and throwing our bags in front of us just so we could be first in line?
...how I used to kick you under the table because I had a crush on you and that's how one showed affection at that age?
...making a cooking video and putting flour on our faces to make it look more authentic?
...swimming in your pool and planning our future (I would marry your brother and you would marry his friend)?
...ditching classes to walk around school and telling the principal it was for Honor's Society?
...our first kiss?
...making mixed CD's and dancing on your table?
...our first date?
...dragging State Street and playing perdiddle?
...early morning drill team practices?
...Bear Lake in the van?
...being bed partners?
...our first clubbing experience and hiding our smokey clothes in the dorm common area?
...our many fun times we had as roommates?
...our obsession with TLC's Trading Spaces and the Disney Channel?
...how we were intimidated by each other at first but then became close friends?
...late nights studying in the library or in your office at the MTC and wishing our year of hell would end?
...how you broke my heart so bad I didn't know how I would go on?
...driving away in a cab while I'm standing on the corner and both of us bawling after saying goodbye?
...watching You've Got Mail for the millionth time so we could find out exactly where they lived and going to all the places they went to in the movie?
...study abroad in Europe - cramming 4 people into two twin beds, shopping, boys, shopping, tours, shopping?
...midnight Wendy's runs (but not really going to Wendy's and eating bread after in the kitchen and telling our roommates it's just because we only got ice cream but now we were hungry for real food - all because we didn't want them to know what we were really doing)?
...our long discussions on books and movies and weird lights on our wall until all hours of the night?
...trip to ikea to buy my new furniture in the Uhaul and needing to carry all of it up my 5 flights of stairs?
...when I did a superman trip in front of that partner while walking over to your desk at work?
...dance face?
...sitting in my new apartment on wooden folding chairs talking forever and laughing so hard?
...the time I was in the wrong bathroom?
...parties on the roof?
...getting lost in The Ramble?
...apple picking and doing some stunt work to get to the good ones at the top of the trees?
...all of our many MDK's?
...having to say goodbye?
...weekend trips to the beach or other exotic places around Costa Rica?
...our wonderful day of rebellion?
...the first time we met?
...talking late into the night about work and school and feeling lame?
...becoming friends?
...how much I love you and all the many times we've shared together and the memories we've made (those previously mentioned and SO many more)?
To all those who have made me into the person I am today: THANK YOU!
...your mom telling the neighbor boy that his nose wouldn't bleed so much if he would just stop picking it?
...playing house on my trampoline and pretending we were orphans, but that all the leaves were money?
...all of our family road trips in the bronco and then in the van?
...racing to the bus stop and throwing our bags in front of us just so we could be first in line?
...how I used to kick you under the table because I had a crush on you and that's how one showed affection at that age?
...making a cooking video and putting flour on our faces to make it look more authentic?
...swimming in your pool and planning our future (I would marry your brother and you would marry his friend)?
...ditching classes to walk around school and telling the principal it was for Honor's Society?
...our first kiss?
...making mixed CD's and dancing on your table?
...our first date?
...dragging State Street and playing perdiddle?
...early morning drill team practices?
...Bear Lake in the van?
...being bed partners?
...our first clubbing experience and hiding our smokey clothes in the dorm common area?
...our many fun times we had as roommates?
...our obsession with TLC's Trading Spaces and the Disney Channel?
...how we were intimidated by each other at first but then became close friends?
...late nights studying in the library or in your office at the MTC and wishing our year of hell would end?
...how you broke my heart so bad I didn't know how I would go on?
...driving away in a cab while I'm standing on the corner and both of us bawling after saying goodbye?
...watching You've Got Mail for the millionth time so we could find out exactly where they lived and going to all the places they went to in the movie?
...study abroad in Europe - cramming 4 people into two twin beds, shopping, boys, shopping, tours, shopping?
...midnight Wendy's runs (but not really going to Wendy's and eating bread after in the kitchen and telling our roommates it's just because we only got ice cream but now we were hungry for real food - all because we didn't want them to know what we were really doing)?
...our long discussions on books and movies and weird lights on our wall until all hours of the night?
...trip to ikea to buy my new furniture in the Uhaul and needing to carry all of it up my 5 flights of stairs?
...when I did a superman trip in front of that partner while walking over to your desk at work?
...dance face?
...sitting in my new apartment on wooden folding chairs talking forever and laughing so hard?
...the time I was in the wrong bathroom?
...parties on the roof?
...getting lost in The Ramble?
...apple picking and doing some stunt work to get to the good ones at the top of the trees?
...all of our many MDK's?
...having to say goodbye?
...weekend trips to the beach or other exotic places around Costa Rica?
...our wonderful day of rebellion?
...the first time we met?
...talking late into the night about work and school and feeling lame?
...becoming friends?
...how much I love you and all the many times we've shared together and the memories we've made (those previously mentioned and SO many more)?
To all those who have made me into the person I am today: THANK YOU!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Back to Real Life
Coming back to work after being away for a long weekend is hard.
I was actually quite productive this morning and got a lot of work done. There was no facebook. No blog reading. No non-work related email reading. 100% chargeable.
But that was before lunch.
Since lunch: I caught up on my friends' facebook statuses from the past 2 days. I read (or scanned at least) all 45 Google Reader posts (haven't done the private blogs yet...those are for later). I texted a few friends. Now I'm blogging.
I'm counting down the time until I can go home (3 1/2 hours) and hoping the partner doesn't mind the amount of G&A I'm planning on charging today. But I just can't focus on this return right now. I'm seriously struggling.
But I guess I should get back to work so I can try to finish this return today. Wish me luck!
And good luck to everyone else out there who finds it as hard as I do to come back to real life after 3 days of vacation.
PS - I'll post some pics from this weekend soon :)
I was actually quite productive this morning and got a lot of work done. There was no facebook. No blog reading. No non-work related email reading. 100% chargeable.
But that was before lunch.
Since lunch: I caught up on my friends' facebook statuses from the past 2 days. I read (or scanned at least) all 45 Google Reader posts (haven't done the private blogs yet...those are for later). I texted a few friends. Now I'm blogging.
I'm counting down the time until I can go home (3 1/2 hours) and hoping the partner doesn't mind the amount of G&A I'm planning on charging today. But I just can't focus on this return right now. I'm seriously struggling.
But I guess I should get back to work so I can try to finish this return today. Wish me luck!
And good luck to everyone else out there who finds it as hard as I do to come back to real life after 3 days of vacation.
PS - I'll post some pics from this weekend soon :)
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
My First 5K
Over a week ago, my friend Katie and I ran our first 5k! It was the Law Day 5K up at the U of U which my work sponsored (so it was free for us!). My goal was to "run" it under 40 minutes (about a 12 min mile, give or take). I really didn't think I would do very well because I was out late the night before and my pre-race diet consisted of ice cream, frozen yogurt, JBC and fries (midnight run to Wendy's).
Katie and I had to be up bright and early so we could be ready to run by 8 am. It was quite chilly, so we were pumped to get started:
Well, we did a lot better than we expected. We crossed the finish line pretty much together - Katie was just a few seconds ahead of me. And we clocked in right around 34 minutes! That's almost a 10 minute mile! I was so proud of us! It was fun, but we were excited to be done:
But now I've found another running partner and we plan on doing at least one more 5k this summer. And now that I've proven myself with a 5k, Kacee wants me to do a 1/2 marathon with her in September. I'll see if I can get myself in enough shape to tackle that one. Who knows. I'll keep you all posted.
Katie and I had to be up bright and early so we could be ready to run by 8 am. It was quite chilly, so we were pumped to get started:
Well, we did a lot better than we expected. We crossed the finish line pretty much together - Katie was just a few seconds ahead of me. And we clocked in right around 34 minutes! That's almost a 10 minute mile! I was so proud of us! It was fun, but we were excited to be done:
But now I've found another running partner and we plan on doing at least one more 5k this summer. And now that I've proven myself with a 5k, Kacee wants me to do a 1/2 marathon with her in September. I'll see if I can get myself in enough shape to tackle that one. Who knows. I'll keep you all posted.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Bottomless Pit
I had a bottomless pit day today.
You know those days.
The days you eat everything you can get your hands on and no matter how much your stomach protests, you continue to stuff your face.
The days you don't even realize you've eaten the ENTIRE bag of Honey Nut Chex Mix until you are dumping the crumbs into your mouth.
The days that even though you've eaten the ENTIRE bag of Honey Nut Chex Mix, you still want more.
The days when you feel so sick by the time it's ready for bed all you want to do is throw up, but instead you reach for a handful of chocolate covered almonds and some gummy bears.
The days that it doesn't matter that you went to zumba earlier because you consumed 3 times the amount of calories in the last hour than what you burned off.
The days when the only thing that sounds good is chocolate, chips, hamburgers, fries, ice cream, cookies...etc, etc. Oh - and a quesadilla.
The days when you look in the mirror and can actually see yourself getting fatter by the minute.
Yep! I definitely had one of those days today.
You know those days.
The days you eat everything you can get your hands on and no matter how much your stomach protests, you continue to stuff your face.
The days you don't even realize you've eaten the ENTIRE bag of Honey Nut Chex Mix until you are dumping the crumbs into your mouth.
The days that even though you've eaten the ENTIRE bag of Honey Nut Chex Mix, you still want more.
The days when you feel so sick by the time it's ready for bed all you want to do is throw up, but instead you reach for a handful of chocolate covered almonds and some gummy bears.
The days that it doesn't matter that you went to zumba earlier because you consumed 3 times the amount of calories in the last hour than what you burned off.
The days when the only thing that sounds good is chocolate, chips, hamburgers, fries, ice cream, cookies...etc, etc. Oh - and a quesadilla.
The days when you look in the mirror and can actually see yourself getting fatter by the minute.
Yep! I definitely had one of those days today.
On Hold
Right now I'm on hold with Jet Blue trying to book my flight to NYC next month (I have 2 True Blue passes from the old True Blue Program and they can only be used by booking over the phone). They just told me (in a very up-beat pre-recorded voice) that my wait was just under 30 minutes! Yay! I'm so lucky! It's not like I've already been on the phone for...oh...20 minutes.
And one would think I would choose to do work while I was listening to this wonderful hold music, but I'm not. I should be. I had way too much nonchargeable time last pay period and I really need to do better so I don't get in trouble. And I have been better this week so far - only one hour G&A yesterday (which was lunch). Hence the reason I haven't been blogging every day.
That being said, here I am, blogging.
Hold up! How did my wait time just get longer than it was 10 minutes ago?!?! It now says 35 minutes. I don't understand.
Ugh! Well...I guess if that's the case than I better start working. I can't give up my free hour by sitting at my desk on hold with Jet Blue. All I can say is I better be able to use my passes for when I want after all of this!
And one would think I would choose to do work while I was listening to this wonderful hold music, but I'm not. I should be. I had way too much nonchargeable time last pay period and I really need to do better so I don't get in trouble. And I have been better this week so far - only one hour G&A yesterday (which was lunch). Hence the reason I haven't been blogging every day.
That being said, here I am, blogging.
Hold up! How did my wait time just get longer than it was 10 minutes ago?!?! It now says 35 minutes. I don't understand.
Ugh! Well...I guess if that's the case than I better start working. I can't give up my free hour by sitting at my desk on hold with Jet Blue. All I can say is I better be able to use my passes for when I want after all of this!
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