One More Thing to Look Forward to...NOT!!!

I remember the day I first felt it - that hard lump. I remember the sinking feeling that came over me. I saw my grandma in her last days, maybe 80 lbs and so thin I could see her heart beating in her chest. I remembered the pain she was in. I remembered the pain my mom was going through having to see her mom in that condition. I was heartbroken that she would have to go through that again. I thought: this cannot be happening to me. I'm only 25!

It was one year ago. I was in Palo Alto, sitting on my friend's bed. We'd just had a wonderful weekend together. It was the last day of my vacation. I had been having heart burn for 3 days straight and was holding my chest in pain when I first noticed something was wrong: a fairly large lump in my left breast. I was in shock! I didn't know what to do. Do I tell my friend? Do I call my mom? Do I book an oncologist? What do I do?

I didn't want to worry my mom - not yet anyway. I got in the shower to clear my head and just cried and cried. I was so scared! Somehow I made it through the remainder of my stay without breaking down to my friend - I wasn't ready for people to know. But as I was driving to the airport I couldn't hold it in any longer. I called my mom. Thankfully she knew just what to do: when I got back to NY I was to find a doctor and have it checked out. She was sure that it wasn't cancer and that it was most likely just a fibrous growth - something she had dealt with herself. I felt a little better.

The next day I called in to work sick. I booked a doctor's appointment and braced myself for the bad news. Two doctors and two ultrasounds later, it turns out my mom was right. I had a large fibrous growth - not cancerous. But the doctor wanted me to get a biopsy to make sure.

Five months later I finally got that biopsy (I blame work). The result: fibroadenoma. The doctor who did the biopsy said I didn't even need to get it removed - unless it bothered me to have it there. I said it was something I could deal with and left it at that.

Now, seven months later, with the mass about doubled in size, I have decided to get it removed. Am I scared? I'M TERRIFIED!!! I've never had surgery before (unless you count getting my wisdom teeth removed, which I don't). What if after they remove the lump my boobs look all funny & lopsided? (sorry boys who might be reading this if that makes you uncomfortable - but it's a fact of life) And while the biopsy came back negative for cancer seven months ago, it doesn't mean that it hasn't turned into something more serious (part of the reason I've decided on getting it removed). What if they go in to remove the lump and find out that I'm full of cancerous cells?

I don't have a surgery date set - I don't even know which doctor I'll go to. But I just know that it'll be going down in the next little while. Maybe it can be a little 'welcome to your new home' gift to myself! Hahaha! Yep - just one more thing to look forward to this summer.