I've realized something has changed in me lately. I've become almost obsessed with boys. I've never been a boy crazy girl. Not even in high school. Yes, I've wanted to date and to one day find the man I'm going to marry. But lately, I feel like it's almost taking over my life.
And I don't like it!
I liked a couple of boys when I first moved back to Utah. One boy I dated for a couple of months, but it fizzled out and I haven't talked to him for a while. The other boy I liked for a longer time. We never dated, but we hung out all the time - and we still do. We've become friends, but the interest has faded (for the most part). He's a great guy and to be honest, if he asked me out I would definitely say yes. But for now he's moved into the friend box.
But now that I'm not interested in anyone I feel like I should be. Like I said earlier, I've never been like that before. Yes, sometimes I had the errant thought of "I wish I liked someone" but I feel like that's almost a daily thing I say lately. I feel almost guilty that I don't like anyone and every guy I see I think to myself "could I be interested in him? should he be the one I like?"
Again...I don't like it!
I feel like I'm putting so much pressure on me to find someone to date. It's not fair to myself!
I don't know why I'm putting this pressure on me either. It's not like I'm the type of person to really struggle with falling for someone. I usually am one to fall pretty fast (and hard). But sometimes it takes a while between my interests - which I'm usually ok with.
So...I'm going to try to be more like how I used to be. I like that more relaxed person I once was (well...more relaxed when it comes to boys). Maybe it's because I was just so dang busy with other things that I've never really been able to dwell on boys as much (dance, singing, school, work, etc.).
How am I going to do that? Well I'm going to stop worrying about the fact that I'm NOT interested in anyone at this time. I'm going to not seek out someone to like. I'm going to focus on becoming better friends with the guys (and girls) I already know, as well as meeting new people for the sole purpose of becoming friends.
Don't get me wrong...if I do start liking someone I'm not going to NOT like them because of this new focus of mine. I'm just so sick of the fact that I'm not interested in anyone being at the forefront of my mind, I need to focus on other things. I know it's not going to be as easy at it may seem (what with friends and family constantly bombarding me with the questions of if I'm dating someone or who I'm liking nowadays). But I'm going to do my best :)
Monday, July 26, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Busy Busy Busy
I had a VERY busy week last week.What started out as a fairly normal week (work, FHE, Bachelorette, SYTYCD...the usual) finished with a bang! On Thursday I was sitting at work keeping busy with 990's until lunch when it suddenly hit me that I was moving into my house this weekend and had A LOT to do. So...after I finished what I was working on, I headed to Ikea to pick up a dresser and other things I needed for my new place. Then I went home, changed into grubby clothes and headed...well...home. Haha! Luckily my dad was feeling generous and offered to come help me put together me dresser even though he DETESTS Ikea and he was in the middle of planning his Sunday school lesson.
I was SO glad he was there. After already spending a lot of time putting the stupid dresser together, we realized that something was wrong...one of the boards had been drilled/painted incorrectly so it was showing the unpainted side instead of the nice, black painted side. After a lot of grumbles and comments of how stupid Ikea is and how it's the worst place in the world, my dad drove to the hardware store to pick up some wood glue so that we could finish putting it together. Man - that thing took a LOT longer to put together than I had planned on. It's a good thing it's really cute :)
But I wasn't finished for the night after that. Kacee came down and we cleaned and scrubbed the house until midnight! It was a lot of hard work, but I was grateful I had Kacee there to do it with me. I was exhausted and very ready for bed by the time I got to my parents' house.
Then Friday was moving day! I woke up bright and early with the realization that I had only 3 boxes packed (purses, coats, and scarves/hats/gloves). Thankfully my nieces were there to help me. They were so excited when I said that I had a lot of packing to do! We got big black garbage sacks which they diligently stuffed with clothes from my floor (don't judge) and drawers. We quickly got my whole room packed and ready to go. They were like little packing machines! It was great!
Then the real fun began. My car was stuffed with my belongings and my dad even had to take some down in his truck. After unloading this first load, we headed to Orem to pick up my bed. It's a great bed. I love it. It's beautiful. It's very comfortable. It's great. But on Friday I kind of hated it. It's big. It's heavy. It killed my right foot when the corner dug into it...twice. It didn't fit (laying down) in my dad's truck so we had to switch thing around a few times. The mattress almost flew out of the back of the truck going over the point of the mountain (I almost made my niece reach her hand out the window to hold it). And it wasn't any easier getting it into my house.
Oh - did I mention that it was also the hottest day of the year and my dad's truck registered 104? Yeah...
Then there was the couch to move in. Thankfully my brother-in-law and a friend came to help get that one into my house. My dad and I never would have been able to. It was heavier and harder to manipulate that the bed.
We also had bookcases to build, walls to scrub, floors to vacuum, floors to sweep & mop, boxes to unpack, things to buy so the furniture didn't scratch my wood floors, etc.
Around 8pm - after a long day of moving and cleaning, my parents and niece decided they had had enough and were done for the day. I had had enough too, but I was being left in a disaster (only one bookcase built, couch on it's side awaiting felt pads, dust bunnies galore on my wood floors, no boxes unpacked, things every where, and a list of necessities to buy). My mom said she hated to leave me in that state...but she still left. They all left. And I left to Walmart to pick up the necessities.
But on the way I broke. I mean...I really broke. I sobbed. I screamed. I ranted. I raged. I listened to angry music because that's how I was feeling. I cried the whole way to Walmart. There were still tears in my eyes as I walked into the store, grabbed a cart, pulled out my shopping list and headed down the aisle. Man - all I have to say is retail therapy works people! I mean REALLY works!
By the time I left Walmart I was no longer crying, and I had a new resolve to put together the bookcase by myself and maybe even start unpacking some boxes. It also helped that I knew I had Ben & Jerry's ice cream (Half Baked), chips w/ salsa con queso, and a good chick flick awaiting me when I finished things on my to do list. Well...I put that bookcase together, uprighted my couch, put a few things away, then settled in to watch When In Rome with my two best friends - ice cream & salsa con queso - even though it was 11:30 pm. It was a great way to end a very long, tiring, frustrating, and physically and emotionally draining day.
Saturday went much better. I still had a lot of things to do around my house. I still hadn't unpacked any boxes and my hung up clothes were still at my parents house. I also had a laundry list of things I needed to buy. Plus my house was still a mess. So I woke up early and started cleaning. I vacuumed, swept, mopped, etc. I then headed up to my parents' house to get the rest of my clothes and belongings and to enlist my mom's help in my shopping.
While going through my closet we found some great treasures. My NBA All-Star Weekend T-shirt of 1993, mine and Kacee's basket ball cards (John Stockton, Carl Malone & Scotty Pippin were just some of the cards I pulled out at random...we have a few boxes full of them), posters of old Jazz teams (from late 80's and early 90's), posters of teen stars from my junior high years (circa Jonathan Taylor Thomas era), old photos of my friends and me from way back when, and much more. We were laughing so hard.
Then there was work to do. We loaded all my stuff into my car, unloaded all my belongings and then headed out to do some shopping. I picked up a vacuum, slip cover for my couch, paint for my wall (the guy at the painting store probably thought my mom and I were idiots from all the questions we asked him...but whatever), some household items, and few items of food. Then I headed home for some more cleaning and organizing before I headed out for the night with friends.
Thank goodness I have friends. I needed a break from house stuff for a night desperately!! We went and saw Inception starring Leonardo DiCaprio. It was AMAZING! SO GOOD! LOVED IT! MIND BLOWN! Oh - and did I mention that we also went to Nielsen's Frozen Custard and I got a chocolate oreo concrete...yum!!
Then on Sunday night I had friends over for a friend's birthday party. It was fun. We played Battle of the Sexes, and even though we "tied" the girls actually won because the guys insisted there is too big a difference between "alternate" and "alternating" and therefore we got the answer wrong. Dumb guys. People were over to my house until almost midnight.
Needless to say, I am VERY tired this morning from such a crazy week last week. But I have to say I came away from it pretty well off. Sure I have a lot of bruises and some scrapes (the biggest bruise being from the vacuum falling on me while vacuuming the stairs). But my house is looking pretty good and I had a fun Saturday and Sunday. But...I am kind of hoping this week will be a little less eventful.
PS - I promise one of these days I will post pictures from my trip to NY and Moab.
PPS - And I will post pics of the new house soon as well. I don't have internet at my home so I can't upload anything at this time.
PPPS - that whole 30-day shred & no sugar thing kind of flew out the window with all the mayhem that was my life last week. But I am starting a new today. Wish me luck!!
I was SO glad he was there. After already spending a lot of time putting the stupid dresser together, we realized that something was wrong...one of the boards had been drilled/painted incorrectly so it was showing the unpainted side instead of the nice, black painted side. After a lot of grumbles and comments of how stupid Ikea is and how it's the worst place in the world, my dad drove to the hardware store to pick up some wood glue so that we could finish putting it together. Man - that thing took a LOT longer to put together than I had planned on. It's a good thing it's really cute :)
But I wasn't finished for the night after that. Kacee came down and we cleaned and scrubbed the house until midnight! It was a lot of hard work, but I was grateful I had Kacee there to do it with me. I was exhausted and very ready for bed by the time I got to my parents' house.
Then Friday was moving day! I woke up bright and early with the realization that I had only 3 boxes packed (purses, coats, and scarves/hats/gloves). Thankfully my nieces were there to help me. They were so excited when I said that I had a lot of packing to do! We got big black garbage sacks which they diligently stuffed with clothes from my floor (don't judge) and drawers. We quickly got my whole room packed and ready to go. They were like little packing machines! It was great!
Then the real fun began. My car was stuffed with my belongings and my dad even had to take some down in his truck. After unloading this first load, we headed to Orem to pick up my bed. It's a great bed. I love it. It's beautiful. It's very comfortable. It's great. But on Friday I kind of hated it. It's big. It's heavy. It killed my right foot when the corner dug into it...twice. It didn't fit (laying down) in my dad's truck so we had to switch thing around a few times. The mattress almost flew out of the back of the truck going over the point of the mountain (I almost made my niece reach her hand out the window to hold it). And it wasn't any easier getting it into my house.
Oh - did I mention that it was also the hottest day of the year and my dad's truck registered 104? Yeah...
Then there was the couch to move in. Thankfully my brother-in-law and a friend came to help get that one into my house. My dad and I never would have been able to. It was heavier and harder to manipulate that the bed.
We also had bookcases to build, walls to scrub, floors to vacuum, floors to sweep & mop, boxes to unpack, things to buy so the furniture didn't scratch my wood floors, etc.
Around 8pm - after a long day of moving and cleaning, my parents and niece decided they had had enough and were done for the day. I had had enough too, but I was being left in a disaster (only one bookcase built, couch on it's side awaiting felt pads, dust bunnies galore on my wood floors, no boxes unpacked, things every where, and a list of necessities to buy). My mom said she hated to leave me in that state...but she still left. They all left. And I left to Walmart to pick up the necessities.
But on the way I broke. I mean...I really broke. I sobbed. I screamed. I ranted. I raged. I listened to angry music because that's how I was feeling. I cried the whole way to Walmart. There were still tears in my eyes as I walked into the store, grabbed a cart, pulled out my shopping list and headed down the aisle. Man - all I have to say is retail therapy works people! I mean REALLY works!
By the time I left Walmart I was no longer crying, and I had a new resolve to put together the bookcase by myself and maybe even start unpacking some boxes. It also helped that I knew I had Ben & Jerry's ice cream (Half Baked), chips w/ salsa con queso, and a good chick flick awaiting me when I finished things on my to do list. Well...I put that bookcase together, uprighted my couch, put a few things away, then settled in to watch When In Rome with my two best friends - ice cream & salsa con queso - even though it was 11:30 pm. It was a great way to end a very long, tiring, frustrating, and physically and emotionally draining day.
Saturday went much better. I still had a lot of things to do around my house. I still hadn't unpacked any boxes and my hung up clothes were still at my parents house. I also had a laundry list of things I needed to buy. Plus my house was still a mess. So I woke up early and started cleaning. I vacuumed, swept, mopped, etc. I then headed up to my parents' house to get the rest of my clothes and belongings and to enlist my mom's help in my shopping.
While going through my closet we found some great treasures. My NBA All-Star Weekend T-shirt of 1993, mine and Kacee's basket ball cards (John Stockton, Carl Malone & Scotty Pippin were just some of the cards I pulled out at random...we have a few boxes full of them), posters of old Jazz teams (from late 80's and early 90's), posters of teen stars from my junior high years (circa Jonathan Taylor Thomas era), old photos of my friends and me from way back when, and much more. We were laughing so hard.
Then there was work to do. We loaded all my stuff into my car, unloaded all my belongings and then headed out to do some shopping. I picked up a vacuum, slip cover for my couch, paint for my wall (the guy at the painting store probably thought my mom and I were idiots from all the questions we asked him...but whatever), some household items, and few items of food. Then I headed home for some more cleaning and organizing before I headed out for the night with friends.
Thank goodness I have friends. I needed a break from house stuff for a night desperately!! We went and saw Inception starring Leonardo DiCaprio. It was AMAZING! SO GOOD! LOVED IT! MIND BLOWN! Oh - and did I mention that we also went to Nielsen's Frozen Custard and I got a chocolate oreo concrete...yum!!
Then on Sunday night I had friends over for a friend's birthday party. It was fun. We played Battle of the Sexes, and even though we "tied" the girls actually won because the guys insisted there is too big a difference between "alternate" and "alternating" and therefore we got the answer wrong. Dumb guys. People were over to my house until almost midnight.
Needless to say, I am VERY tired this morning from such a crazy week last week. But I have to say I came away from it pretty well off. Sure I have a lot of bruises and some scrapes (the biggest bruise being from the vacuum falling on me while vacuuming the stairs). But my house is looking pretty good and I had a fun Saturday and Sunday. But...I am kind of hoping this week will be a little less eventful.
PS - I promise one of these days I will post pictures from my trip to NY and Moab.
PPS - And I will post pics of the new house soon as well. I don't have internet at my home so I can't upload anything at this time.
PPPS - that whole 30-day shred & no sugar thing kind of flew out the window with all the mayhem that was my life last week. But I am starting a new today. Wish me luck!!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
2 Down...28 To Go
A few friends and I have decided to challenge each other with Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred.
Today was day 2 for me. I have to say that Jillian definitely knows how to kick my butt - even when she's not actually in the room, in my face, yelling at me. It's only a 20 minute video, but each time I've come away feeling like I've worked out for at least an hour. I don't know how she does it...but it's a killer work out.
And I'm only on Level 1!!
But even though I've got the exercise plan all set, I now need to work on eating better. Today was a BAD day when it came to food and if I'm going to shred any poundage I need to change that. So tomorrow I'm going to start back up on Weight Watchers and might even go to a meeting (I'm a little scared for the meeting to be honest).
Other things I'm going to do: start bringing a healthy lunch to work every day instead of eating out with the boys. Go off sweets (cookies, cakes, chocolate, ice cream, soda, etc) for the next 28 days (while I'm doing this 30 day shred thing...even though I definitely ate sugar today). Drink more water throughout the day to help suppress cravings.
My goal is to go from this:
To this:
Wish me luck!!!
PS - Thanks Melissa for forcing me to exercise tonight even though it was 11:45pm and I was tired. I needed it! Keep up the support and peer pressure :)
Today was day 2 for me. I have to say that Jillian definitely knows how to kick my butt - even when she's not actually in the room, in my face, yelling at me. It's only a 20 minute video, but each time I've come away feeling like I've worked out for at least an hour. I don't know how she does it...but it's a killer work out.
And I'm only on Level 1!!
But even though I've got the exercise plan all set, I now need to work on eating better. Today was a BAD day when it came to food and if I'm going to shred any poundage I need to change that. So tomorrow I'm going to start back up on Weight Watchers and might even go to a meeting (I'm a little scared for the meeting to be honest).
Other things I'm going to do: start bringing a healthy lunch to work every day instead of eating out with the boys. Go off sweets (cookies, cakes, chocolate, ice cream, soda, etc) for the next 28 days (while I'm doing this 30 day shred thing...even though I definitely ate sugar today). Drink more water throughout the day to help suppress cravings.
My goal is to go from this:
To this:
Wish me luck!!!
PS - Thanks Melissa for forcing me to exercise tonight even though it was 11:45pm and I was tired. I needed it! Keep up the support and peer pressure :)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
"It's the safest thing you'll have between your legs"
This line from "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" was going through my mind during my first ever motorcycle ride. That's right. I have gone 26 years and never ridden a motorcycle...UNTIL NOW! I was pretty excited. It was a lot of fun and I got to see a beautiful Bountiful sunset.
In other news - my diet is starting NOW (didn't really do a good job on the whole eating good today...so I'm starting again). I'm planning on even going to the gym tomorrow morning! We'll see if that really happens though - I'm pretty tired tonight.
Last news of the night...I've done a few great trips in the past couple of weeks which have been a BLAST! I'll post pictures and details sometime in the near future.
Oh wait...very last news of the night - the house if officially mine! I move in this week!!!! I'm super excited! I wish I could just blink and have all my stuff already there and in a place, but that won't be happening. It's going to be a very busy week for me. But it'll be a good busy.
Anyway, that's it for the day. Peace out!
In other news - my diet is starting NOW (didn't really do a good job on the whole eating good today...so I'm starting again). I'm planning on even going to the gym tomorrow morning! We'll see if that really happens though - I'm pretty tired tonight.
Last news of the night...I've done a few great trips in the past couple of weeks which have been a BLAST! I'll post pictures and details sometime in the near future.
Oh wait...very last news of the night - the house if officially mine! I move in this week!!!! I'm super excited! I wish I could just blink and have all my stuff already there and in a place, but that won't be happening. It's going to be a very busy week for me. But it'll be a good busy.
Anyway, that's it for the day. Peace out!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
100 Things About Me
My friend Melissa did this on her blog, and I thought it looked fun. So here you go - 100 random things about me:
1 - I don't have a middle name. But when I was younger I wanted one, so I made one up. It's Lee. I made people actually call me Lee for a little bit, but it didn't stick. Sometimes the family still calls me Kristy Lee though.
2 - I like my work. But to be honest, I'd rather not have to work ever.
3 - I miss my old life basically every day; but I'm loving my new life at the same time. I wish I could have both.
4 - I cry a lot. Movies, TV shows, & books make me cry all the time. So does real life. And if someone is crying around me, you can bet there will be tears in my eyes.
5 - I have a temper. I don't lose it too often anymore, but when I do...WATCH OUT!
6 - I am one of the most non-confrontational people I know. I'm trying to be better at this.
7 - I get anxiety whenever I have to answer the phone. So most times I don't.
8 - My dream is to sing and dance on Broadway.
9 - My sister told me once that she pictured me getting married when I was older, after graduating from college, and living on my own for a while - maybe even owning my own house. I was really hurt and upset about that.
10 - Growing up everyone called me Kris. But now, when someone calls me Kris outside of my family it throws me a little.
11 - I wish I were a little more like Elizabeth and less like Kitty.
12 - I wish I had stayed better friends with people I grew up with.
13 - When I fall for someone I fall fast and hard.
14 - I laugh a lot. And loud. I like my laugh...though I get self-conscious when people comment on it.
15 - Sometimes I feel I stopped aging at 14.
16 - I am officially a homeowner, although I won't be moving in until July 15!!
17 - I worry that I'm never going to get married and have a family.
18 - I like shopping. I have a lot of clothes and bags and shoes. In fact - I'm going to have a whole closet just for my shoes and bags in my new house (plus a double closet for my clothes)!
19 - I become addicted to things easily. Other than religious reasons, this is why I've never been tempted to drink or do drugs. I think I'd be hooked after the first time.
20 - I've been at work for almost 2 hours now and the only thing I've done is blog and deal with house issues. (this was on Thursday...it's taken me a while to finish this post)
21 - I read Mike Posner's "Cooler Than Me" lyrics and now I'm scared people think that about me.
22 - I can be a real "blond" sometimes.
23 - I'll admit that I'm a little OCD about some things. But I think most people are.
24 - I just saw a picture of a dog-human hybrid and it scared me.
25 - I'm thinking I'm not going to make it to 100
26 - I love chick flicks. But I also really like a good action movie. Basically I love movies.
27 - I just ate way too much for dinner. That usually happens to me on Fast Sundays
28 - I want to be in love.
29 - If there was a movie made about my life, I would want Zooey Deschanel to play me. I kind of wish I were her.
30 - I love reading.
31 - Almost every day I tell myself that I'm going to start eating better and exercising "tomorrow"
32 - I love traveling. I think it'd be a lot of fun to be a tour guide...then I could see really cool places.
33 - I'm the youngest of 6 kids. All my siblings are married and have kids - 16 nieces and nephews in all. When we all get together it's quite an impressive group.
34 - I was born on Thanksgiving day. So was my older sister Corrine. My dad was bummed that he missed out on 2 Thanksgiving dinners.
35 - I love the 4th of July & fireworks.
36 - I'm addicted to my phone - not that a lot of people call or text me, but I have to have it with me at all times.
37 - My favorite soda is Dr. Pepper.
38 - I have a hard time making decisions.
39 - I used to wear a lot more jewelry than I do now.
40 - The days where I should wear more makeup are the days when I don't want to wear any at all.
41 - I love my car.
42 - Sweet or salty? I choose both
43 - I'm a city girl.
44 - I tried being a vegetarian. I didn't eat meat for over 3 months.
45 - I love meat - steak, burgers, chicken, pork, hotdogs...
46 - I wish I were better at sports.
47 - I miss dancing every day.
48 - I wish I were more confident.
49 - People who do nice things for strangers make me happy.
50 - I wish I were a better person.
Ok - I'm done. I can't think of anymore. So I'm going to finish with only 50 things about me. I hope that's ok.
1 - I don't have a middle name. But when I was younger I wanted one, so I made one up. It's Lee. I made people actually call me Lee for a little bit, but it didn't stick. Sometimes the family still calls me Kristy Lee though.
2 - I like my work. But to be honest, I'd rather not have to work ever.
3 - I miss my old life basically every day; but I'm loving my new life at the same time. I wish I could have both.
4 - I cry a lot. Movies, TV shows, & books make me cry all the time. So does real life. And if someone is crying around me, you can bet there will be tears in my eyes.
5 - I have a temper. I don't lose it too often anymore, but when I do...WATCH OUT!
6 - I am one of the most non-confrontational people I know. I'm trying to be better at this.
7 - I get anxiety whenever I have to answer the phone. So most times I don't.
8 - My dream is to sing and dance on Broadway.
9 - My sister told me once that she pictured me getting married when I was older, after graduating from college, and living on my own for a while - maybe even owning my own house. I was really hurt and upset about that.
10 - Growing up everyone called me Kris. But now, when someone calls me Kris outside of my family it throws me a little.
11 - I wish I were a little more like Elizabeth and less like Kitty.
12 - I wish I had stayed better friends with people I grew up with.
13 - When I fall for someone I fall fast and hard.
14 - I laugh a lot. And loud. I like my laugh...though I get self-conscious when people comment on it.
15 - Sometimes I feel I stopped aging at 14.
16 - I am officially a homeowner, although I won't be moving in until July 15!!
17 - I worry that I'm never going to get married and have a family.
18 - I like shopping. I have a lot of clothes and bags and shoes. In fact - I'm going to have a whole closet just for my shoes and bags in my new house (plus a double closet for my clothes)!
19 - I become addicted to things easily. Other than religious reasons, this is why I've never been tempted to drink or do drugs. I think I'd be hooked after the first time.
20 - I've been at work for almost 2 hours now and the only thing I've done is blog and deal with house issues. (this was on Thursday...it's taken me a while to finish this post)
21 - I read Mike Posner's "Cooler Than Me" lyrics and now I'm scared people think that about me.
22 - I can be a real "blond" sometimes.
23 - I'll admit that I'm a little OCD about some things. But I think most people are.
24 - I just saw a picture of a dog-human hybrid and it scared me.
25 - I'm thinking I'm not going to make it to 100
26 - I love chick flicks. But I also really like a good action movie. Basically I love movies.
27 - I just ate way too much for dinner. That usually happens to me on Fast Sundays
28 - I want to be in love.
29 - If there was a movie made about my life, I would want Zooey Deschanel to play me. I kind of wish I were her.
30 - I love reading.
31 - Almost every day I tell myself that I'm going to start eating better and exercising "tomorrow"
32 - I love traveling. I think it'd be a lot of fun to be a tour guide...then I could see really cool places.
33 - I'm the youngest of 6 kids. All my siblings are married and have kids - 16 nieces and nephews in all. When we all get together it's quite an impressive group.
34 - I was born on Thanksgiving day. So was my older sister Corrine. My dad was bummed that he missed out on 2 Thanksgiving dinners.
35 - I love the 4th of July & fireworks.
36 - I'm addicted to my phone - not that a lot of people call or text me, but I have to have it with me at all times.
37 - My favorite soda is Dr. Pepper.
38 - I have a hard time making decisions.
39 - I used to wear a lot more jewelry than I do now.
40 - The days where I should wear more makeup are the days when I don't want to wear any at all.
41 - I love my car.
42 - Sweet or salty? I choose both
43 - I'm a city girl.
44 - I tried being a vegetarian. I didn't eat meat for over 3 months.
45 - I love meat - steak, burgers, chicken, pork, hotdogs...
46 - I wish I were better at sports.
47 - I miss dancing every day.
48 - I wish I were more confident.
49 - People who do nice things for strangers make me happy.
50 - I wish I were a better person.
Ok - I'm done. I can't think of anymore. So I'm going to finish with only 50 things about me. I hope that's ok.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
One More Thing to Look Forward to...NOT!!!
I remember the day I first felt it - that hard lump. I remember the sinking feeling that came over me. I saw my grandma in her last days, maybe 80 lbs and so thin I could see her heart beating in her chest. I remembered the pain she was in. I remembered the pain my mom was going through having to see her mom in that condition. I was heartbroken that she would have to go through that again. I thought: this cannot be happening to me. I'm only 25!
It was one year ago. I was in Palo Alto, sitting on my friend's bed. We'd just had a wonderful weekend together. It was the last day of my vacation. I had been having heart burn for 3 days straight and was holding my chest in pain when I first noticed something was wrong: a fairly large lump in my left breast. I was in shock! I didn't know what to do. Do I tell my friend? Do I call my mom? Do I book an oncologist? What do I do?
I didn't want to worry my mom - not yet anyway. I got in the shower to clear my head and just cried and cried. I was so scared! Somehow I made it through the remainder of my stay without breaking down to my friend - I wasn't ready for people to know. But as I was driving to the airport I couldn't hold it in any longer. I called my mom. Thankfully she knew just what to do: when I got back to NY I was to find a doctor and have it checked out. She was sure that it wasn't cancer and that it was most likely just a fibrous growth - something she had dealt with herself. I felt a little better.
The next day I called in to work sick. I booked a doctor's appointment and braced myself for the bad news. Two doctors and two ultrasounds later, it turns out my mom was right. I had a large fibrous growth - not cancerous. But the doctor wanted me to get a biopsy to make sure.
Five months later I finally got that biopsy (I blame work). The result: fibroadenoma. The doctor who did the biopsy said I didn't even need to get it removed - unless it bothered me to have it there. I said it was something I could deal with and left it at that.
Now, seven months later, with the mass about doubled in size, I have decided to get it removed. Am I scared? I'M TERRIFIED!!! I've never had surgery before (unless you count getting my wisdom teeth removed, which I don't). What if after they remove the lump my boobs look all funny & lopsided? (sorry boys who might be reading this if that makes you uncomfortable - but it's a fact of life) And while the biopsy came back negative for cancer seven months ago, it doesn't mean that it hasn't turned into something more serious (part of the reason I've decided on getting it removed). What if they go in to remove the lump and find out that I'm full of cancerous cells?
I don't have a surgery date set - I don't even know which doctor I'll go to. But I just know that it'll be going down in the next little while. Maybe it can be a little 'welcome to your new home' gift to myself! Hahaha! Yep - just one more thing to look forward to this summer.
It was one year ago. I was in Palo Alto, sitting on my friend's bed. We'd just had a wonderful weekend together. It was the last day of my vacation. I had been having heart burn for 3 days straight and was holding my chest in pain when I first noticed something was wrong: a fairly large lump in my left breast. I was in shock! I didn't know what to do. Do I tell my friend? Do I call my mom? Do I book an oncologist? What do I do?
I didn't want to worry my mom - not yet anyway. I got in the shower to clear my head and just cried and cried. I was so scared! Somehow I made it through the remainder of my stay without breaking down to my friend - I wasn't ready for people to know. But as I was driving to the airport I couldn't hold it in any longer. I called my mom. Thankfully she knew just what to do: when I got back to NY I was to find a doctor and have it checked out. She was sure that it wasn't cancer and that it was most likely just a fibrous growth - something she had dealt with herself. I felt a little better.
The next day I called in to work sick. I booked a doctor's appointment and braced myself for the bad news. Two doctors and two ultrasounds later, it turns out my mom was right. I had a large fibrous growth - not cancerous. But the doctor wanted me to get a biopsy to make sure.
Five months later I finally got that biopsy (I blame work). The result: fibroadenoma. The doctor who did the biopsy said I didn't even need to get it removed - unless it bothered me to have it there. I said it was something I could deal with and left it at that.
Now, seven months later, with the mass about doubled in size, I have decided to get it removed. Am I scared? I'M TERRIFIED!!! I've never had surgery before (unless you count getting my wisdom teeth removed, which I don't). What if after they remove the lump my boobs look all funny & lopsided? (sorry boys who might be reading this if that makes you uncomfortable - but it's a fact of life) And while the biopsy came back negative for cancer seven months ago, it doesn't mean that it hasn't turned into something more serious (part of the reason I've decided on getting it removed). What if they go in to remove the lump and find out that I'm full of cancerous cells?
I don't have a surgery date set - I don't even know which doctor I'll go to. But I just know that it'll be going down in the next little while. Maybe it can be a little 'welcome to your new home' gift to myself! Hahaha! Yep - just one more thing to look forward to this summer.
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