Hold up...let me start that over.
Rain, rain went away. Please come back another day. (preferably tonight)
This weekend, we were blessed with some AMAZING thunder & lightning storms. And heavy rain. It was great! I really do love the rain. I love storms. They make me happy.
This weekend I learned that I REALLY like storms when I've got someone to cuddle up to & watch them with. Or in my circumstance, drive up in the mountains so we can watch the lightning over the whole Bountiful/Salt Lake valley. Seriously awesome view. And the company was pretty awesome as well.
Oh...and remember this post: 7 Things to do Before I'm 30? My number 6 was kiss in the rain. Well folks, I got to cross that off my list ;). Hehehe! Wow - I never thought I'd blog about a kiss. Hmmmm...
Monday, August 29, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Nothing to do...
I'm at work. I'm bored. What's new? Right?
So to dull my boredom & possibly increase yours, I'm going to write about whatever pops into my head at this time. I don't know where this post will end up. I hope it's somewhere good ;)
I just saw the brightest green car drive past my window just now. And when I say the brightest green car I mean - neon green. And a BRIGHT neon green. I don't think I can actually say it enough times for you to get an accurate picture of what I mean. But man! It was bright green!
It's really cold in my office. I don't understand why it needs to be so cold that I find it necessary to wear a sweater in mid-August. I know I'm very sensitive to the cold & my body temperature is about 5 degrees lower than most people's. But this is a little ridiculous!
I think it funny how involved my work people are in my life. They are very concerned with who I'm dating & it always makes me laugh. Well...normally. Sometimes it makes me cry when they judge me for my actions. But I've learned to get over that. I'm no longer concerned about what others think. I'm living life for me now.
It makes me sad when I realize someone who I consider to be a good friend just isn't one anymore. I have a hard time letting go. Maybe that's a good thing? The jury is still out.
I'm grateful for Elder Ballard's talk he gave to my stake on Sunday. He made a lot of really great points. And...I got a date out of it. So thanks Elder Ballard for giving me the courage to say no to only hanging out with a certain boy.
Seriously why is it so cold in here?
I'm learning I like Death Cab for Cutie a lot more than I thought. And I thought I liked them a lot. But the more I listen to them, the more I like them.
I'm counting down the days until Snow Patrol releases their new song. I'm already obsessed with it. And the music video. Here it is... maybe you too can become as obsessed with it as I am. You probably won't though. I'm a little crazy.
I need to be nicer. I'm too sarcastic. I'm too hard on people. I call people names too much (e.g. "your a dork" "idiot" etc.). I need to stop that. Starting now.
I'm thankful that Jared taught me to be more open about my feelings. I'm not as scared as I once was to tell someone I like them. But I still should work on being more open.
I'm very excited to have my own place again. But I'm sad that my parents are leaving for 1.5 years in less than 3 weeks! And I wish the place were really MINE - I feel like a guest in my parent's house. And I don't think that will change with them gone.
I'm hungry. That salad I had for lunch isn't lasting. I'll grab something to eat on my way home.
I got a new trainer at the gym. I really like her. Her name is Heather. She's great. I don't want to cry/pass out/throw up/die after each session. I'm tired. But I feel good.
I don't know if I'll ever understand my heart. I hope I do someday. But for now...I've given up trying to figure out what it wants. I've also given up trying to make it feel differently than it does. I'm just going with the flow. If my heart tells me something, I'll follow it. I may end up very hurt - or hurting someone else. But I can't handle thinking about that at this time in my life.
OMG why is it so cold? My hands are ice!!! Ugh!
I love when people tell me they read my blog. But at the same time, it's a little weird to see someone I know reads it. I never know if they have read my latest post or not. If they have, do they get bored when I tell them what I just blogged about? But if they haven't and I don't tell them, are they going to be hurt that they found out something through a blog post and not through me?
I wish I were more creative. I wish I had a passion for taking pictures, making movies, scrap booking, writing, drawing, painting, etc.
I wish I had a hobby. I need a hobby. But what should it be? What do I like to do? I wish I knew...
Ok...I'm done sitting around pretending to work. It's 5:15. I'm just going to leave. Now...what should I do until 6:15 (when I meet with my trainer)? No idea.
Last thing: I'm excited to see B tonight. I haven't seen him since Sunday and I miss him. That's a good sign, right?
Monday, August 22, 2011
More Letters
Dear J,
Yesterday was the first day I had seen you since you broke my heart. And yes...it was as difficult as I thought it would be. I hope you didn't see me walk in, spot you sitting on MY bench, walk out, pace back and forth, go get a drink, then finally get the courage enough to walk back in. How could you choose to sit on MY bench? You know that's where I always sit. You like sitting in the front of the chapel...REMEMBER?!?! Ugh! I don't know if you saw me glance back at you. I don't know if the upset look I saw on your face had to do with seeing me or the fact that I was squished between 2 guys or the talk that was being given. Maybe you saw that B & I were sitting a little closer than normal. I wish I knew. I wish you had talked to me. Or even acknowledged my presence. Maybe next week? I hope you're doing OK.
Dear B,
Thanks for sitting next to me in church yesterday. Thanks for not being hurt when I didn't hold your hand. I know you wanted to hold mine. And that alone helped me get through the day. Thanks for not being upset when you caught me looking back at J & shedding a tear (twice). Thanks for being my support. I don't know if you realized why I was so upset, but I think you have a pretty good idea. And thanks for understanding when I told you that I didn't want to talk about it. Wait...is that why you rubbed my back? To show J that I had moved on and that I was no longer his? If so, that's pretty funny. But I hope you know I'm not ready to be completely yours yet. Please continue to be patient with me. I like having you around. I think you're pretty great! Just give me time.
Yesterday was the first day I had seen you since you broke my heart. And yes...it was as difficult as I thought it would be. I hope you didn't see me walk in, spot you sitting on MY bench, walk out, pace back and forth, go get a drink, then finally get the courage enough to walk back in. How could you choose to sit on MY bench? You know that's where I always sit. You like sitting in the front of the chapel...REMEMBER?!?! Ugh! I don't know if you saw me glance back at you. I don't know if the upset look I saw on your face had to do with seeing me or the fact that I was squished between 2 guys or the talk that was being given. Maybe you saw that B & I were sitting a little closer than normal. I wish I knew. I wish you had talked to me. Or even acknowledged my presence. Maybe next week? I hope you're doing OK.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear B,
Thanks for sitting next to me in church yesterday. Thanks for not being hurt when I didn't hold your hand. I know you wanted to hold mine. And that alone helped me get through the day. Thanks for not being upset when you caught me looking back at J & shedding a tear (twice). Thanks for being my support. I don't know if you realized why I was so upset, but I think you have a pretty good idea. And thanks for understanding when I told you that I didn't want to talk about it. Wait...is that why you rubbed my back? To show J that I had moved on and that I was no longer his? If so, that's pretty funny. But I hope you know I'm not ready to be completely yours yet. Please continue to be patient with me. I like having you around. I think you're pretty great! Just give me time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear B (#2),
Do you really need to go back to Provo to finish your MPA? I don't know what I'm going to do without you. You've become such a good friend these past few weeks. I love talking to you. I love hanging out with you. I'm going to miss you tons! Thanks for being someone to talk to when I needed you most. You're a great guy & a great friend. Please keep in touch! I'll be calling for guy advice soon I'm sure.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
It's That Time of Year Again
For those of you who have been following my blog for a while know how I've struggled with the question of what I want to be when I grow up. Well folks, it's that time of year where once again I am asking myself this question. The sad thing is, every time I have this question I realize that I AM grown up (or at least MORE grown up than I was before). But that doesn't mean I know what I want to do.
I struggle with what is practical vs what I love vs what will pay the bills. Sometimes I wish that I had just followed my first love & gone into medicine. I don't know if I would be any happier with my job than I am with mine now, but I'd like to think I would be. I still love medicine and am fascinated by it. But I'm past the time where doing anything in the medical field is feasible (see...the whole practical side of me steps in).
I still haven't completely given up the idea of being a teacher. I think that I could be a good teacher. I think that I would enjoy it. But then again, I've never done it and the thought that after I put in the time and energy and resources to become a teacher I will discover that it's really not for me scares me half to death. Then where will I be? Besides...I have to consider the salary of a teacher and I wonder if it would really support my lifestyle (that might make me high maintenance, but whatever).
It's scary considering doing anything other than accounting because that's what I know. That's what I do. That's what I've done for the past 4 years & I know I'm good at it. I don't like failing. And if I change fields then there is the chance that I will fail. I don't like that.
But I'm not happy doing taxes. I don't get any amount of satisfaction from my work. I dread going to work every day. I envy the people who say they love their job. I need to find that. I want to find something that I'm excited to get out of bed for every morning. As of now, I hit the snooze button as many times as I can before I feel too guilty about being THAT late to work that I finally force myself to crawl out of bed. Sure...that might have something to do with the fact I don't get to bed before 1:30 am ever. But part of it is the job.
So...I've decided. Today after work, I'm going to start looking online and talking to people about possible jobs. I'm just going to see what's out there in the field of bookkeeping or office management. I feel like those types of jobs would be a change, but not ones that will make me push aside my training. I'm also going to start focusing my prayers towards this as well. I'm hoping for some divine intervention here.
I don't know what I'll end up doing. But whether I stay at my current job or I find another accounting position or I do something completely different, all I know is that something has to change. Even if that something is just my attitude and focus. I can't have any more days like today where I can only say I worked 3 of the 8 hours I've been here. Much too painful. So wish me luck on my search for greener pastures :)
I struggle with what is practical vs what I love vs what will pay the bills. Sometimes I wish that I had just followed my first love & gone into medicine. I don't know if I would be any happier with my job than I am with mine now, but I'd like to think I would be. I still love medicine and am fascinated by it. But I'm past the time where doing anything in the medical field is feasible (see...the whole practical side of me steps in).
I still haven't completely given up the idea of being a teacher. I think that I could be a good teacher. I think that I would enjoy it. But then again, I've never done it and the thought that after I put in the time and energy and resources to become a teacher I will discover that it's really not for me scares me half to death. Then where will I be? Besides...I have to consider the salary of a teacher and I wonder if it would really support my lifestyle (that might make me high maintenance, but whatever).
It's scary considering doing anything other than accounting because that's what I know. That's what I do. That's what I've done for the past 4 years & I know I'm good at it. I don't like failing. And if I change fields then there is the chance that I will fail. I don't like that.
But I'm not happy doing taxes. I don't get any amount of satisfaction from my work. I dread going to work every day. I envy the people who say they love their job. I need to find that. I want to find something that I'm excited to get out of bed for every morning. As of now, I hit the snooze button as many times as I can before I feel too guilty about being THAT late to work that I finally force myself to crawl out of bed. Sure...that might have something to do with the fact I don't get to bed before 1:30 am ever. But part of it is the job.
So...I've decided. Today after work, I'm going to start looking online and talking to people about possible jobs. I'm just going to see what's out there in the field of bookkeeping or office management. I feel like those types of jobs would be a change, but not ones that will make me push aside my training. I'm also going to start focusing my prayers towards this as well. I'm hoping for some divine intervention here.
I don't know what I'll end up doing. But whether I stay at my current job or I find another accounting position or I do something completely different, all I know is that something has to change. Even if that something is just my attitude and focus. I can't have any more days like today where I can only say I worked 3 of the 8 hours I've been here. Much too painful. So wish me luck on my search for greener pastures :)
Monday, August 15, 2011
It's a Monday...
and I'm paying the price for a fun weekend. Seriously...will I EVER get to sleep before 1am again? I sure hope so. These late nights are KILLING me! And my work habits. I mean...I don't know if I'll actually get one single thing done today at work. I'm THAT tired and THAT unmotivated and THAT easily distracted. Hence I'm blogging :)
So this weekend... it was great! On Friday I went to my very first demolition derby in South Jordan with my friend Steve & his friend Melissa. It was such a great time! I might become a derby junkie. No joke! Here's a few pics from the night:
On Saturday, some friends and I went to the drive in and saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Cowboys & Aliens. These were probably the last two movies on my list of movies I wanted to see, but they weren't as bad as I had expected. I was even pleasantly surprised by the the Planet of the Apes. But it wasn't the movies that made it fun - it was the company. I love the friends I've made in my new ward. We have a great time together! And it didn't hurt that I was doing a little cuddling with my friend Ben during both movies. But don't worry...he doesn't need a "letter" - things are completely platonic with Ben :). Hahaha!
Then last night (Sunday...just in case you forgot how the days of the week go), my family had Thanksgiving dinner! Yum!!! There isn't anything better than a delicious turkey dinner complete with mashed potatoes, veggies & of course amazing desserts. I made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies that I had to admit were AMAZING! I love my family! It's always so fun when we all get together.
After dinner, I went to my ward's game night. We had a great time. While we were there, this great storm came through, so Brant, Katie & I decided to go up in the mountains and watch it from there. Oh my goodness that was a great decision on our part! The lightning was CRAZY! It just kept going and going and going! From every direction too! I wish I could show you pics of the amazing storm, but alas, I have none. Just know that it was probably one of the best storms I've ever seen. Plus I was in good company :).
So as you can tell, I had a very fun weekend - full of exciting things and no sleep. But it was worth it! Now on to another busy week, full of fun, friends, and family!
So this weekend... it was great! On Friday I went to my very first demolition derby in South Jordan with my friend Steve & his friend Melissa. It was such a great time! I might become a derby junkie. No joke! Here's a few pics from the night:
On Saturday, some friends and I went to the drive in and saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Cowboys & Aliens. These were probably the last two movies on my list of movies I wanted to see, but they weren't as bad as I had expected. I was even pleasantly surprised by the the Planet of the Apes. But it wasn't the movies that made it fun - it was the company. I love the friends I've made in my new ward. We have a great time together! And it didn't hurt that I was doing a little cuddling with my friend Ben during both movies. But don't worry...he doesn't need a "letter" - things are completely platonic with Ben :). Hahaha!
Then last night (Sunday...just in case you forgot how the days of the week go), my family had Thanksgiving dinner! Yum!!! There isn't anything better than a delicious turkey dinner complete with mashed potatoes, veggies & of course amazing desserts. I made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies that I had to admit were AMAZING! I love my family! It's always so fun when we all get together.
After dinner, I went to my ward's game night. We had a great time. While we were there, this great storm came through, so Brant, Katie & I decided to go up in the mountains and watch it from there. Oh my goodness that was a great decision on our part! The lightning was CRAZY! It just kept going and going and going! From every direction too! I wish I could show you pics of the amazing storm, but alas, I have none. Just know that it was probably one of the best storms I've ever seen. Plus I was in good company :).
So as you can tell, I had a very fun weekend - full of exciting things and no sleep. But it was worth it! Now on to another busy week, full of fun, friends, and family!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Dear Boy(s)...
My friend Katie always writes these little notes in her blog. I thought I'd give it a try today...
Dear J,
I hate that I still think about you every day. I hate that every time my phone tells me I have a text there is a split second when I hope that it's from you. I hate that I know you're leaving for California to be with your family tomorrow and that in another life I would be going with you. I hate that from now on, any guy I meet will be compared to you and most won't stack up. I hate that I miss you. I hate not knowing if you miss me too. I hate not seeing you, but dread the day I have to face you in church. Hopefully soon I'll be able to go through one day without thinking about you, then maybe two, then three...until I can finally completely move on.
Dear Mystery Boy,
Thanks for being a distraction for me last week. You had great timing in sending your text. You helped me see that I can and will move on. But....I will never see you again. So thanks for not texting me back. PS - you smell like day old pizza.
Dear Ward Boy,
I'm confused on how I feel about you. I like you. I think you're really cute. I like hanging out with you. I've enjoyed the times we've cuddled. It makes me happy that you like me. You've helped me get over J a lot quicker than I could have ever imagined. You were patient and waited the whole time I was dating J, and I am very flattered by it. I'm kind of sad that you're not going to be in town this weekend. BUT I don't know if I want to DATE you. If we did date, I know it'd just be for fun - and that feels cruel to do to you. I hope you don't mind if I just let this thing we've got going continue for a while longer until I can get my feelings all figured out. I really hope I don't end up hurting you, because if anything, I know we could be great friends.
Dear Work Boys,
Thanks for being my counselors. I've probably told you more about my life than you would EVER want to know. But it's so nice to have a completely non-interested third party to talk to about all the craziness I call my life. I've been lost the past few days with you out of the office...I need male advice. So please come back soon. And leave at least an hour open for our talk.
Dear Future Husband,
I don't know who you are or if you even exist (I hope you do and that you cross my path soon). I just have one thing to say to you... You better be worth all this drama I'm going through now.
Sincerely,
Kristy
Dear J,
I hate that I still think about you every day. I hate that every time my phone tells me I have a text there is a split second when I hope that it's from you. I hate that I know you're leaving for California to be with your family tomorrow and that in another life I would be going with you. I hate that from now on, any guy I meet will be compared to you and most won't stack up. I hate that I miss you. I hate not knowing if you miss me too. I hate not seeing you, but dread the day I have to face you in church. Hopefully soon I'll be able to go through one day without thinking about you, then maybe two, then three...until I can finally completely move on.
Dear Mystery Boy,
Thanks for being a distraction for me last week. You had great timing in sending your text. You helped me see that I can and will move on. But....I will never see you again. So thanks for not texting me back. PS - you smell like day old pizza.
Dear Ward Boy,
I'm confused on how I feel about you. I like you. I think you're really cute. I like hanging out with you. I've enjoyed the times we've cuddled. It makes me happy that you like me. You've helped me get over J a lot quicker than I could have ever imagined. You were patient and waited the whole time I was dating J, and I am very flattered by it. I'm kind of sad that you're not going to be in town this weekend. BUT I don't know if I want to DATE you. If we did date, I know it'd just be for fun - and that feels cruel to do to you. I hope you don't mind if I just let this thing we've got going continue for a while longer until I can get my feelings all figured out. I really hope I don't end up hurting you, because if anything, I know we could be great friends.
Dear Work Boys,
Thanks for being my counselors. I've probably told you more about my life than you would EVER want to know. But it's so nice to have a completely non-interested third party to talk to about all the craziness I call my life. I've been lost the past few days with you out of the office...I need male advice. So please come back soon. And leave at least an hour open for our talk.
Dear Future Husband,
I don't know who you are or if you even exist (I hope you do and that you cross my path soon). I just have one thing to say to you... You better be worth all this drama I'm going through now.
Sincerely,
Kristy
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Update
I guess since I posted about my dating life I am entitled to update the blogging world on it's status. It'll be a short post...
I don't have the energy/motivation to be all cryptic about the situation like I normally am, so I'm just going to come right out and say it: I am no longer dating Jared. Things just didn't work out like I'd hoped.
I'm doing OK today (well better than yesterday), but I miss him. He's a great guy and I'm sad he's no longer a part of my life. I wish things had turned out differently, but I guess that's life. Right?
It seems like a lot of my friends are going through the same thing I am right now. I'm the 4th of my friends to breakup with someone in the past 2 months (that's pretty much all my friends who've been dating someone). Something must be in the water here in UT. Whatever it is, I sure hope it's gone by the time the next boy rolls around :).
Anyway...just wanted to quickly update you all.
I don't have the energy/motivation to be all cryptic about the situation like I normally am, so I'm just going to come right out and say it: I am no longer dating Jared. Things just didn't work out like I'd hoped.
I'm doing OK today (well better than yesterday), but I miss him. He's a great guy and I'm sad he's no longer a part of my life. I wish things had turned out differently, but I guess that's life. Right?
It seems like a lot of my friends are going through the same thing I am right now. I'm the 4th of my friends to breakup with someone in the past 2 months (that's pretty much all my friends who've been dating someone). Something must be in the water here in UT. Whatever it is, I sure hope it's gone by the time the next boy rolls around :).
Anyway...just wanted to quickly update you all.
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